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"My, this Cabernet pairs well with your parents and the four Martinis I had at the bar."
"This wine is excellent paired with exhaust fumes.''
"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."
"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."
"My compliments to the sommelier."
"This wine goes perfectly with cat food, mouldy bread and burgers bitten into right off the dustbin."
"To accompany a dish of Fire Ants, I would recommend a Chateau Condat 92..."
"And what are you planning to pair with this wine?"