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"Please visit our website and tell us about your experience with this sale. You can win a gift card good for a free glass of lemonade."
"I wish you were as good in combat as you are at winning prizes at the Renaissance Faire."
Sideshow Alley - 'Whoa... big night Dave?!'
Deploying more troops will let our enemies know that, despite winning the Nobel peace prize, the president is no softie.
Adjusted sales pitch: 'Congratulations! You may already be a non-winner.'
'It's so ironic: I finally win a prize at a raffle and it has to be a free pedicure!'
Win $1,000 a week for life contest
'It's a prize for being first to go home.'