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"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."
'When are you going to get the windshield wipers fixed, Harold?'
'It's blank? The hackers got to it.'
'Now don't panic. Not everything was erased. We still have loads of data on rainfall, upholstery and jaywalking.'
"I deleted the email, erased the online history, but I completely forgot about shredding the paper trail."
"I've been predicting a sudden death next week for all my clients lately: Funny hey?!"
'You can't let the private charities take over welfare, Sire -- you wiped them out with your last tax hike.'
I'm fed up with cleaning your room! From now on, wipe your feet!
'It's simple really-the windscreen wiper that cuts up parking tickets!'