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"This is what you get for trying to be a wit."
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The only thing Fred hated more than weeds were weeds that made puns.
A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.
Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .
'I thought up an incredible sting of rapid-fire witticisms. Too bad they came two hours after my speech.'
"He always said he wanted his last words to be as pithy as possible."
"I write astronaut banter for NASA."
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A side of Bach few ever saw.
"Ironic, perhaps, but I fail to see the wit."
"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."
"Now just hold on...I've pre-recorded some snappy comebacks since I never remember them during these meetings."
"Do try to seem amused by Howard's single entendres. He's working up to a double."
'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'
Library: 'The Wit & Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge.'
'No, dandruff isn't caused by having a dry wit.'
'We can't end the meeting now. I've got this list of snappy comebacks I thought up during lunch!'
'True but only in practice, not in principle.'
Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.
Nuns do things out of force of habit.
Drive-ins have G-rated movies and R-rated cars.
A perfectionist pardons everyone's mistakes but his own.
After 40 we send 'Thank you' notes to people for forgetting our birthday.
To some people, having a head cold is the same as having an idea.
Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.