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"What the hell sort of convenient new feature is this?"
"Mr. Hoffman? Ed Hoffman? Your office has been trying to reach you, sir."
When applying for a part-time job in retail, try not to state the obvious.
"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."
'All I can figure out is that it refuses to work weekends.'
"The government wants to introduce more flexibility into our working hours... starting with the 108 hour weekend!"