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"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, patron, patrons, customer, customers, drink, drinks, drinking, drinking alcohol, alcohol, alcoholic, liquor, booze, horoscope, horoscopes, zodiac, zodiac, astrology, star sign, star signs, western astrology, animal, animals, anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, personification, bull, bulls, fish, ram, rams, crab, crabs, lion, lions, taurus, aeries, leo, pieces, cancer, relationship, relationships, dating, date, dates, pick-up line, pickup line, pickup lines, pick up line, pick up lines, compatibility
'I told you I refuse to be born today. I don't want to be Aries.'
"I was actually born in September, but I identify as a Pisces."
"29 degrees in Scorpio? What's that in Fahrenheit?"
"These antidepressants should help with your natal Saturn-Pluto conjunction."
"All mine says is that I often give in to feelings of envy and that I should appreciate what I have. But your horoscope is better."
"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"
"I don't need to check your chart! The best time for you to have surgery is right now!"
"That's the Crab nebula and that's the 'load of dots that don't look like anything much' nebula!"
'I'll be right with you. I'm reading my horoscope.'
It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone. You're telling me that this whole time you've just been making up the horoscopes?"
Tags:magazine, magazines, newspaper, newspapers, periodical, periodicals, media, astrology, astrologer, astrologers, astrological forecast, astrological forecasts, horoscope, horoscopes, zodiac, daily horoscope, daily horoscopes, reading, readings, future, prediction, predictions, telling the future, foretelling the future, predicting the future, psychic, psychics, seer, seers, invent, fake, false, made-up, made up, office, offices, office life, fortune-telling, fortunetelling, fortune, fortunes, fortune-teller, fortune-tellers, fortuneteller, fortunetellers, fortune teller, fortune tellers
'Hey, don't tell me - you're a capricorn?'
Your daily horoscope.
'I see you visiting the statue of liberty during a snowstorm... Oh wait.'
'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'
'You are being completely duped by a stranger! She says she can foretell your future, but she is just a con artist...'
'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'
Tags:accident, accidents, circle, horoscope, horoscopes, zodiac, zodiacs, zodiac sign, zodiac signs, astrology, astrologer, astrologers, astrological sign, astrological signs, aries, taurus, gemini, cancer, leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagittarius, capricorn, aquarius, pisces, constellation, constellations, astronomy, astronomer, astronomers
'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'
Man wearing 'Taurus' shirt walks into china shop
"We'll run some tests: lipoprotein, electrophoresis, SGOT, antibody titration,...oh, oh. I see you're a virgo."
Tags:doctor, patient, medical tests, zodiac, sign, virgo, superstitions, medical test, medical tests, checkup, check up, checkups, check ups, check-up, check-ups, doctors, patients, starsign, starsigns, star sign, star signs, star-sign, star-signs, quack, quacks, medical record, medical records, superstition
Ill next Thursday
"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"