New Yorker cartoonist Kate Isenberg helped us judge last month’s contest, which featured her drawing. Coincidentally, another one of Kate’s drawings (which is set in a classroom where a canine teacher is holding a globe that’s a tennis ball and saying something to the students) was featured in last week’s New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest.
Her CartoonStock drawing is set in an animal shelter, where a married couple and their young son are looking at dogs who are up for adoption. Outside each cage is a kennel card that includes information about the dog inside. The husband is a few steps ahead of his wife and son and standing in front of a cage that contains not a dog but some kind of floating, black, demonic entity. The husband, who doesn’t look frightened or disturbed (he’s smiling), is pointing at the demon’s kennel card and saying something to his wife.
Kate’s original caption was, “Honey, how about this one? She’s a labrador mix who loves people.” One of you also made a mixed-breed joke: “Part poodle, part unfathomable nothingness.”
Two entries played on the title of a 1989 animated film—“All Dogs Go To Heaven”—about a murdered canine (voiced by Burt Reynolds) who returns from heaven to seek revenge against the dog who killed him:
- “Maybe some dogs go to hell?”
- “Apparently, not all dogs.”
Both captions are good, but the second is superior because it respects the reader’s intelligence and ability to make quick connections.
So does this caption: “He’s from a farm upstate.” Trevor Hoey and I really liked that entry, but our fellow judges didn’t understand the joke because they had never heard about parents who try to protect their children’s feelings by telling them that a pet dog who has died is still alive and on a farm upstate.
We received several variations on cat jokes:
- “Why would we adopt an evil demon who hates humans? We already have a cat.”
- “Oh look, they have cats up for adoption too.”
- “I just want to see the look on the cat’s face.”
- “Still better than a cat.”
Though shorter captions are usually better, my favorite from that group is the first. Yes, it’s long, but there are no wasted words, and it made me laugh. The third entry is my second-favorite because it’s a cat joke that does not suggest the demon is a feline.
Here are two versions of a different joke:
- “Comes when you call his name three times.”
- “It comes when summoned.”
We liked both, but the second version is superior. It appeared on each judge’s top ten list and was also the most popular entry in crowdsourcing. It’s close to a perfect caption—concise, clever, and funny—and, as Bob noted, it creates a cartoon that as good or better than many that appear in The New Yorker.
I want to apologize to whomever submitted this entry: “It’s just a quote from Revelation.” I thought, and continue to think, that it’s a great joke, but during the judging process I criticized it because I thought the last book of the New Testament is called “Revelations” with an s. I was wrong, and as a Jew I should have refrained from offering an opinion on anything about the New Testament. None of my fellow judges, three of whom are Jews, caught my mistake. I don’t think this error prevented the person who submitted the joke from winning any money because, as good as the caption is, it’s not better than the entries that made it to the finalists’ round. Still, I screwed up, and I regret the mistake.
The next three entries cleverly suggest that the man who’s pointing at the demon’s kennel card has been possessed:
- “We must take this one – take this one – take this one…”
- “I kind of feel compelled to take this one.”
- “Weird – I don’t point with my left.”
Here are the month’s best puns:
- “This one should never, ever, be unleashed.”
- “This one is very loyal to his Master.”
- “It says he wants a forever home.”
- “He’s looking for a forever host.”
- “This one’s playing undead.”
- “Well, this is a kill shelter.”
Initially, Bob and I did not understand the “forever” jokes because we were unfamiliar with the term “forever home,” which is apparently a common term that refers to a place where a pet may live permanently. (Bob and I know less about pets than we do about the New Testament.) As for the “kill shelter” joke, I saw another one in the list of all the entries we received: “Does ‘no kill’ go both ways?’’ I liked that but not enough to put it in my top ten list, and it wasn’t among anyone else’s top ten, either. I hope I remembered that caption correctly. If you submitted it and I got the wording wrong, let me know.
Here are three sick jokes I liked:
- “This one feeds on fear, so we can put it in Billy’s room and save on pet food.”
- “His card says he loves children and small animals.”
- “It says he loves small children.”
The shortest and last entry is the best, though I might have given the nod to the first caption if it did not include those final five words, which are unnecessary and detract from an otherwise fine joke.
Here’s the best reference to dogs that provide comfort to people with mental health issues: “He could support our darker emotions.”
Bob thought this caption was too long: “It says here we’ll need a fenced yard and a portal to the underworld.” I disagree. It wastes not a single word, and it refers to the animal’s demonic nature while cleverly mocking shelters that make potential pet owners complete detailed applications and background checks and pass home inspections.
Here are a couple of nice references to the religious practice of casting out demons:
- “He’s had all his shots and two exorcisms.”
- “We’ll need a good groomer and a priest.”
This next set of entries highlights the importance of not just coming up with a good joke but delivering it well:
- “Poor little fella! It says he was brought here because his last owner died.”
- “Look how many owners it’s had.”
- “Its previous owner died.”
The first caption is way too long, contains an unnecessary exclamation point, and over-explains the joke. The next two are really good, but the slightly longer joke is a little better because it suggests that the demon has killed not just once but repeatedly.
Here’s another example of two similar captions:
- “He’s had all his shots and been euthanized twice.”
- “Here’s one that’s already been euthanized.”
The longer version is best because it cleverly suggests that the demon cannot be killed.
The following entry employs the comedy rule of three to fine effect: “Likes belly rubs, squeaky toys, and the screams of the damned.”
This caption alludes to the eternal nature of evil: “Can you ask who’s been here the second longest?”
These two entries did well in crowdsourcing and ended up on a couple of top-ten lists:
- “They waived the adoption fee on this one.”
- “They’re waiving the adoption fee.”
I like them, but they don’t really address the demonic nature of the entity in the cage. They could apply just as well to a drawing of any pet you wouldn’t want to adopt, such as a dog that has no legs (to use Trevor Hoey’s example). So even though the captions work, they’re just OK.
This next caption suggests that the couple’s child, who looks nice enough, is actually a little shit: “Think we can handle another little demon?”
I’ll end this commentary with several decent captions that don’t fit neatly into any category:
- “This poor guy looks like he’s been to hell and back.”
- “She’s stolen my heart and wants to devour my soul.”
- “I used to have one like this under my bed.”
- “This one already knows how to play dead.”
- “Says it can get a little possessive.”
- “It says here that it doesn’t shed.”
Congratulations to TYLER BRADLEY of Stratford, Ontario, who submitted this month’s winning caption: “It comes when summoned.” A few years ago, Mr. Bradley and I were both finalists in this New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest:
I won that competition, so I hope that by supporting the decision to select Mr. Bradley’s entry as the winning caption in the CartoonStock contest (and award him $500) I have eliminated or at least reduced any feelings of resentment he’s been harboring. And before anyone accuses me of having an ulterior motive for choosing his caption, remember that we judge the entries blindly (without knowing who submitted them). Each entrant’s identity is revealed only after he or she becomes a finalist/winner.
Like Mr. Bradley, some of the five runners-up may be familiar to those of you who follow the NYer and CartoonStock caption contests:
- “It says here we’ll need a fenced yard and a portal to the underworld.” (Jessica Misener)
- “He’s had all his shots and been euthanized twice.” (Paul Nevels)
- “Look how many owners it’s had.” (Carol Lasky)
- “It says he loves small children.” (Jon Konno)
- “Apparently not all dogs.” (Vincent Coca)
If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the judging process and you can watch the video on our YouTube channel.