In Kim Warp’s drawing, a cowboy on a horse is consulting a book and addressing a fallen cowboy he’s lassoed around the ankles.
I first thought about the trope—common in old westerns—of dragging a cowboy behind a horse. In Warp’s drawing, of course, the lassoed cowboy is in front of the horse. Maybe, then, the other cowboy is consulting an instruction manual:
- “Wait. According to this, I’m supposed to be dragging you behind me.”
- “Hold on. I think you’re supposed to be behind the horse.”
I next imagined the cowboy on the horse was using his friend for calf-roping practice:
- “OK, now let’s try this with a calf.”
- “OK, I think I’m ready to try this with a calf.”
- “It says I’m now supposed to restrain you by tying your three legs together.”
Since the lassoed cowboy is tied around his ankles, just below his calves, I next came up with a pun: “It says here to lasso the calves.”
Now let’s see how you did:
Here’s a caption that’s similar to but better than a couple of my own: “Now let’s try it with some cattle.”
I also liked, “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Many of you made jokes about cowboy poetry, and some were very good:
- “And here are a few more of my poems.”
- “Now maybe you’ll listen to my poem.”
- “Heck, you only think you don’t like poetry.”
A lot of you assumed, as I did, that the book was an instruction manual, either on calf-roping or dragging cowboys:
- “I’m supposed to restrain you by tying three legs together.”
- “According to the manual, the next step is branding.”
- “Chapter two. Branding.”
- “I’m afraid you’re wrong. Says here that a clove hitch is exactly what I should be using.”
- “If you roped your cowhand by mistake, turn to page 21…”
- “It says here you should be behind me.”
Many of you, however, suggested the book was something else, like a diary:
- “That’s right, I have your diary, and all your hurtful words about me.”
- “You’re a thief, a rustler, and according to this diary, a hurtful gossip.”
- “My wife found our daughter’s diary.”
Or a cookbook: “Next, tenderize the meat.”
Or a reference book: “It’s a thesaurus, you mangy, no-good, malevolent, pernicious scoundrel.”
Or a little black book: “Let’s try this again. Why do you have my girlfriend’s name in your address book?”
Or the criminal code: “Guess you were right, gambling and frequenting brothels is lawful.”
Or even a famous French author’s writings on “The Stored Consciousness:” “You’re gonna hang, Clanton. But first, you’re gonna explain what Proust means by ‘retrospective illumination.’”
They’re all good, but the caption that wins this week’s non-existent prize is the beautifully concise, “It’s my first rodeo.”