Because of this past weekend’s horrific mass shootings at Brown University in Rhode Island and at the Hanukkah celebration in Sydney, Australia, we came very close to pulling the following commentary on our 200th caption contest, which featured a drawing by New Yorker cartoonist Liam Francis Walsh. It’s set in a living room, where a nice-looking family is relaxing with their pets. Everyone (the father, mother, young son and daughter, and even the cat and dog and houseplant) is armed with an automatic rifle or handgun, and the dad is speaking.
In light of recent events, trying to find the humor in a cartoon about America’s gun culture can seem insensitive at best and cruel at worst. We understand that. Nevertheless, we made the decision to feature Walsh’s cartoon—which he first submitted to The New Yorker about ten years ago—weeks before the recent tragedies, and we evaluated the 400 contest entries, chose a winner and five finalists, and filmed our judging process and posted it on YouTube (and I drafted the commentary) before the shootings happened.
Therefore, despite the fact that many of you may understandably feel that this is “too soon,” we are running the commentary. Given the heartbreaking frequency of mass shootings, especially in this country, there is probably never a good time to publish a cartoon about America’s obsession with guns, but maybe that’s the very reason such cartoons are important.
With that said…
Walsh’s original caption highlighted the fact that guns create a false sense of security because they are themselves so incredibly dangerous: “Isn’t it nice to feel completely safe?”
One of you made essentially the same joke: “I don’t know about you, but I feel much safer.” That’s good, but it would have been shorter and better without the first six words, which are unnecessary.
The following three captions suggest that the family is interested less in self-defense than in the possibility of a violent confrontation:
- “What do you say we leave the doors unlocked?”
- “Kids—did you remember to unlock the door?”
- “And now, we wait.”
By contrast, this entry suggests the family is focused on self-defense (and saving money): “These were cheaper than the fence.”
As a Clint Eastwood fan, I like the way this entry—“Go ahead, make my dinner.”—alludes to the classic line (“Go ahead, make my day”) that Dirty Harry delivered while pointing his .357 Magnum at a criminal in 1983’s “Sudden Impact.” Changing “day” to “dinner” works perfectly in the context of the domestic setting.
This next entry suggests the family is seeking counseling from a less than competent professional: “I hope our family therapist knows what he’s doing.”
The next five captions suggest that the father doesn’t understand that guns pose a far more significant risk to his family’s health than other perceived threats:
- “Sure is nice to spend some time together without our phones.”
- “I’m concerned about our son reading comic books.”
- “I’m glad we finally got them all off their phones.”
- “I’m so glad we took away their screens.”
- “I just don’t feel safe about vaccines.”
I like the way that second caption focuses on a small detail in the drawing, but it may be outdated. Comic books haven’t been considered a threat to American youth since psychiatrist Fredric Werthem published Seduction of the Innocent in 1954.
I’m guessing Walsh liked the three captions about screens because he has, on a few previous occasions, mocked our addiction to them:
Here’s the month’s best pun: “Who says nobody buys magazines anymore?”
And here’s the best joke about how awful cats are: “I’m surprised the cat passed the background check.”
This next caption—“Now, how are we doing on butter?”—is, I believe, a reference to former Texas Governor Rick Perry’s contention that allowing people to carry concealed weapons in movie theaters would help prevent mass shootings. He was then mocked, deservedly so, for encouraging people to carry guns in crowded and dark theaters when their trigger fingers might be covered in butter from the popcorn they bought at the concession stands.
These next two captions note that top Republican priorities include fighting gun control, arresting and deporting all undocumented immigrants, and opposing entitlement programs:
- “They can’t take our guns, though they’re welcome to take our housekeeper.”
- “Finally, a government giveaway I approve of.”
That first caption would be even better if it were reworded just slightly to read, “They can’t take our guns, but they’re welcome to our housekeeper.”
Here are two variations on the same sick joke, but the second version is far catchier than and therefore superior to the first:
- “Was that a .22? Sounds like the baby’s up.”
- “I think I hear the baby firing.”
Here’s another sick joke I enjoyed: “Who knew it was a petting zoo?”
Another caption—the beautifully concise “We need more spackle.”—implies that the family’s living room walls are full of gunshot holes.
These two captions emphasize the need to avoid startling anyone with a gun:
- “I miss grandma…but we told her no sudden moves.”
- “Please pass the remote, nice and slow.”
This next caption focuses on the family’s dog while putting a clever spin on the phrase that NRA Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre popularized after the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting: “The only thing that can stop a bad dog with a gun is a good dog with a gun.” It’s also a great example of a joke that alludes to a tragedy without minimizing it.
Here’s another such example: “Let’s turn on the news and see if anyone needs our thoughts and prayers.” That caption rises above the competition by being not just fitting and funny but meaningful. It comments on the way many people, especially politicians, address gun violence with meaningless platitudes instead of effective action.
Here’s a terrific spin on a classic but really very boring guessing game: “I’m thinking of an amendment between one and ten.”
I love this caption—“Was it just me or did the Avon lady seem jumpy?”—but the first five words are unnecessary.
This entry does a beautiful job of reconciling the drawing’s disparate frames of reference: “I’m going to the bathroom. Cover me.” It’s also very funny.
As someone who hates it when people talk during a movie, I appreciated, “The movie is about to start, everyone put on your silencer.”
“Ready to go caroling?” is good, but it would have made more sense if there were a Christmas tree in the background to indicate that it’s the season for caroling.
Walsh’s drawing elicited the best collection of entries I have ever seen in a CartoonStock caption contest. My fellow-judges and I had a hard time selecting the top entries from such a strong group of contenders, but we finally decided to give first prize to JOSEPH SILLS, who submitted, “I think I hear the baby firing.”
The five runners-up are:
- “They can’t take our guns, though they’re welcome to take our housekeeper.” EDO STEINBERG
- “Let’s turn on the news and see if anyone needs our thoughts and prayers.” COLIN MILLS
- “I’m thinking of an amendment between one and ten.” COLIN MILLS
- “Finally, a government giveaway I approve of.” JOE AYELLA
- “I’m going to the bathroom. Cover me.” WAYNE KLINE
If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process and you can watch it on our YouTube Channel.
By the way, we have now given away a total of $40,000 in prize money. That would buy more than 1,100 copies of my book on the caption contest. You contest winners and finalists should remember that this holiday season.