Carolita Johnson’s cartoon is set in an office, where a man behind a desk is saying something to a younger man seated across from him. To the left of the man who’s speaking is a violin player, the kind you might see in certain Italian restaurants.
Violin music is often used to create a sad mood, so I thought the man behind the desk might be terminating his employee:
- “Jenkins, we’ve had a rough quarter….”
- “Normally, you’d get severance pay, but we spent it on this guy.”
- “We also feel bad, so we spent your severance pay on this sad music.”
A violinist is not the only musician you’ll find in a restaurant. German establishments sometimes have polka bands. Because the music they play is upbeat, I thought of this caption: “If you were getting a raise, I’d have hired a polka band.”
Finally, I tried to think of a good title for the piece of music the violinist is playing: “It’s called ‘Requiem for a Sales Manager.’”
Now let’s see how you did:
These three captions suggest the violinist is in the office to create a somber mood appropriate for the delivery of bad news:
- “He’s not here because you’re getting a raise.”
- “I think you know where this conversation is going.”
- “It’s to put me in the mood.”
Violin music, of course, is not always sad. It can also be romantic, and these next three entries cleverly allude to both business and romance:
- “Tom, I hope you won’t think it inappropriate of me to ask, but will you go out with me?”
- “I’m sorry, but I have to reject your proposal.”
- “It’s not you, it’s us.”
Here are two variations on my joke about the polka band:
- “If you were being promoted, I would have hired the mariachi band.”
- “If it were good news, I would have brought in the cymbals.”
And here are this week’s nine best puns:
- “I want you to play a more instrumental role.”
- “I’ll be conducting the interview.”
- “Other than a job, any requests?”
- “Any last requests?”
- “As usual, you came in late.”
- “You’ll be going out on a high note.”
- “Management feels it’s time you go solo.”
- “He’ll accompany you to the door.”
- “On that note, you’re fired.”
This next entry—a reference to the size of Brunhilde, the Valkyrie whose farewell scene in Wagner’s Ring Cycle lasts nearly twenty minutes and leads directly to the end of the 15-hour opera—suggests that management was initially hoping to use another kind of music to let the employee know his time with the company is over: “Because the fat lady was unavailable.” That’s a great caption, but it would be even better without the first word.
Some people (no one I care for, but some people) sarcastically dismiss another person’s sad news by pretending to play the violin. That callous behavior may have inspired this entry: “OK. Let’s hear your excuse….”
These next two captions allude to the music that conductors are instructed to start playing whenever an Oscar-winner gives an acceptance speech that goes on too long:
- “He’s here to play you off the premises.”
- “We’re playing you off.”
The next four entries acknowledge the value and cost of the violinist’s performance:
- “Please accept this concerto in lieu of a severance package.”
- “A serenade is more heartfelt than a bonus.”
- “I didn’t say we were cutting costs everywhere.”
- “I could give you a raise, yes, but then I’d have to let Antonio here go.”
And finally, we have, “We’ll discuss salary and benefits after intermission.”
This week’s winner is, “He’s not here because you’re getting a raise.”
ENTER THIS WEEK’S CAPTION CONTEST
Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist four other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in The New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.