In Drew Panckeri’s cartoon, three angels are lounging around heaven—smoking, drinking and reclining on the clouds. The angel with a martini in his hand is looking over his shoulder at someone or something, and delivering the line that will serve as the caption.
My first caption alludes to God and an approach that groups like Alcoholics Anonymous use to help problem drinkers: “Not another divine intervention.”
I next imagined the angel reacting to God’s disapproving attitude: “Why does He always have to act so holier than thou?”
Now let’s see how you did.
One of you noticed that none of the angels has the standard crown of light: “I wonder why they took our halos.” But many of you noticed that none of the angels has wings, and then played on that word’s double-meaning:
- “Hey, we’re outta wings.”
- “We should order some wings.”
- “I could go for some wings.”
- “Can we get some wings, please?”
- “The wings are here.”
Like I did, many of you assumed that the angel who’s speaking is worried about or annoyed by a disapproving God:
- “Here comes Mr. Holier-than-thou.”
- “Who is He to judge?”
- “I thought he didn’t come in on Sundays.”
- “Why does the big guy have a thunderbolt in his hand?”
- “Oh Christ, Christ is headed this way.”
- “He can’t see us from there, can he?”
I love the way that last entry made the angel oblivious to God’s omniscience, and the Christ caption made me laugh out loud.
These next two entries imagine a less judgmental God:
- “Forgiveness is working out a lot better than I expected.”
- “It’s O.K. He always forgives us.”
In this next entry God appears forgiving, but the angel is worried it’s all an act: “I still think it might be a test.”
Here’s a nice reference to the seven deadly sins: “Well, sloth wasn’t a deal breaker after all.”
And here are the two best puns:
- “I wonder if there’s an after-hours?”
- “We’re not your better angels.”
These next two entries highlight the potential drawbacks of spending eternity in a heaven that permits smoking and drinking:
- “It’s just not as fun when you know it won’t kill you.”
- “I never imagined I’d live in a gated community.”
And this last caption challenges the natural assumption that the cartoon’s set in heaven: “This isn’t so bad. I was told Hell would be much worse.”
Choosing a winning caption from such a strong group of contenders is hard, so I’m going to do what Bob does and select a winner—“We’re not your better angels”—and two runners-up:
- “I never imagined I’d live in a gated community.”
- “Oh Christ, Christ is headed this way.”
Next week I begin my second year of writing these commentaries, so thanks to everyone who enters the contest week after week. I’m truly impressed by your ability to regularly come up with captions that are far better than my own. This job has turned out to be quite humbling.