New Yorker cartoonist Rusty Epstein helped judge last month’s caption contest, which featured his drawing. It’s set in a front yard, where a fireman and a little girl are looking at an elephant who’s stuck in a tree and sitting on a branch. The girl is saying or yelling something to the elephant. It looks like she’s cupping her hands around her mouth so her voice will travel farther, but it could be she’s just holding her hands by her mouth because she’s dismayed or shocked. In the background a firetruck is visible.
Epstein’s original caption suggests that the elephant is a house pet who took advantage of a brief opportunity to escape. “I opened the door and he got out.” One of you made a similar joke: “The alarming part is he’s an indoor elephant.” I have an issue with both captions because they have the girl addressing the fireman when, in my opinion, she is clearly talking to the elephant, but Epstein contends that I’m wrong—he maintains that that the drawing could be interpreted either way—and it’s hard to argue with the cartoonist.
That said, here are the best entries that have the girl addressing the fireman:
- “You usually don’t see elephants hiding in trees because they’re really good at it.”
- “He never forgets. Except how to get down.”
- “As I told 911, Mittens is gray with a tail.”
- “He’s always endangering himself.”
- “Well, look what the cat dragged up.”
That last entry is a fine example of turning a common expression into a fitting caption by changing a single word, which in this case is the punchline. I also like the way it addresses the “fireman rescuing a cat” trope. Unfortunately, as Bob pointed out, the idea that a cat could haul an elephant up a tree is just too nonsensical.
Speaking of cat jokes, here are the best:
- “Hey, you’re sitting on my cat!”
- “I told you not to chase the cat.”
The common misperception that elephants are scared of mice is a comic trope to which several of you referred:
- “If you thought that mouse was scary, wait until you see a squirrel.”
- “We caught the mouse!”
- “A mouse is too a pet.”
Trevor liked the way that last entry captured the voice of a young girl—so do I—but I really loved the first of those three mouse jokes, which beautifully addresses not just the “scared of mice” angle but the fact that the elephant’s in a tree.
Unlike the myth about elephants and mice, the idea that elephants have remarkably strong memories is supported by scientific evidence. Here are the two best allusions to that fact:
- “Can’t you just forget I ever said that?”
- “Did you forget how to get down?”
Because the elephant is the official symbol of the Republican Party, we got a topical reference to President Trump’s penchant for renaming landmarks like the Gulf of Mexico (now the Gulf of America) and Lake Ontario (now Lake America) “I’m sorry—American elephant.” That joke is especially clever because there are just three recognized living species of elephant (two African, one Asian, and no American), and I love the suggestion that the elephant climbed up the tree to sulk because he was, like Trump, petulant and easily offended.
This next entry—the best of many references to the “elephant in the room” trope—also suggests that the girl offended the elephant: “Well, I’m addressing you now!” That entry was submitted without the necessary comma, but instead of rejecting the caption on those grounds we decided to add the comma because our correction did not change the meaning or the flow of the joke. That decision may prove controversial, but we stand by it.
Speaking of controversies, you may question our love for a caption that ended with an exclamation point, but we object to that punctuation mark only when it’s unnecessary. In this drawing, the girl appears to be yelling, so an exclamation point is fine.
The next set of entries focus on the elephant’s tremendous weight, and some suggest he may be sensitive about it:
- “He’s going to climb up, put you on his back, and climb down.”
- “Don’t worry. The fireman will catch you.”
- “He says you’ll be down any second now.”
- “He’s reluctant to help after you broke their ladder.”
- “How are you on ladders?”
- “He says to stay perfectly still until his shift ends.”
- “You’re just big-boned.”
I really loved that first caption—it created a mental image that made me laugh out loud—but none of the other judges liked it as much as I did,
The next three captions all explain how the elephant got up in the tree:
- “I asked you to stay off my trampoline.”
- “I unplugged the Roomba.”
- “Try flapping again.”
That last caption is clearly a reference to Dumbo, who uses his giant ears to fly, but I’m wondering if it’s also a reference—and yes, I know how conceited this sounds—to the winning entry I submitted for a New Yorker caption contest that featured this drawing by Drew Dernavich:
Here is the month’s best dark joke: “Come down, or the next call is to Steinway!”
Here’s the best allusion to the fact that elephants face extinction: “Yes, now you’re endangered.”
And here’s the best reference to the elephant’s size, immense power, intelligence, and calm and regal demeanor: “Look majestic—the news van just pulled up.”
I’ll end this month’s commentary with two entries suggesting that, from his elevated position in the tree, the elephant can see long distances:
- “You’re never going to find Africa from Moonachie, New Jersey!”
- “He wants to know if you see any fires.”
Congratulations to JOHN KONNO, who submitted the winning caption: “Well, I’m addressing you now.”
The five runners-up are:
- “If you thought that mouse was scary, wait until you see a squirrel.”
MICHAEL BERNER
- “He says to stay perfectly still until his shift ends.”
KYAL SHEPARD
- “The alarming part is he’s an indoor elephant.”
JOE AYELLA
- “I asked you to stay off my trampoline.”
JEFF SAWYER
- “He wants to know if you see any fires.”
JOHN KONNO
If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process and posted it on our YouTube channel.
Like what you see? Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more Caption Contest episodes.
Just a reminder, the rules have changed a bit. The winner will get half the money we collect from entrants (which could be far more or far less than $500, depending on the level of participation), and the five runners-up will split the balance. Furthermore, there is no longer a limit to the number of entries you may submit, but after the first three you submit for an entrance fee of $5.00, each additional entry costs $3.00.
The prize money increases with each participant, so encourage your friends to play.
And if you haven’t yet ordered my book on the caption contest even though it’s been out for almost two years, click on the following link: