New Yorker cartoonist J.C. Duffy submitted the drawing for this month’s caption contest. It’s set in a living room, where a happy dog with wings is hovering in the air and addressing a middle-age balding man who’s wearing pants pulled up a little too high on his waist. On the wall to the dog’s right is a bad abstract painting, a seemingly minor detail that, as I note below, some of you chose to address. Duffy’s original caption was, “Sure, I could grant those three wishes, but I believe you’ll appreciate the value of health, love, and money much more if you continue not having them.”
Duffy admits that his caption, which suggests the dog is like the genie from “The Arabian Nights,” was not very good. One of you submitted a better genie caption that my fellow judges really liked: “You just missed the genie!” I actually didn’t like that entry because the joke has nothing to do with the dog. It would work just as well with a cat or any other wingless pet, or even with the man’s spouse. Also, it reminds me of captions that lazily explain bizarre situations by suggesting that magic is involved.
Another type of lazy caption suggests that one or both characters are high:
- “Don’t even think about operating any heavy equipment.”
- “Are you sure the first gummy wasn’t working.”
Most of you presumed (as I did) that the dog has wings because he died and went to heaven, and many of the best entries explained how the dog died:
- “So good to see you again! Still keeping the rat poison next to the dog food?”
- “Now do you believe we can’t eat chocolate?”
- “By the way, you forgot to close the gate.”
- “It was the artwork that killed me.”
- “Great news. I caught the car.”
- “Barked up the wrong tree.”
Mankoff initially thought those entries weren’t consistent with the dog’s cheerful expression, but he subsequently changed his mind. Dogs are almost always happy, no matter what’s happening. and the incongruous smile makes the jokes funnier.
These entries turn the dog into a harbinger of bad news:
- “We’ll be playing fetch, sooner than you think.”
- “I’ve come to fetch you.”
These entries suggest that dogs are fundamentally good (they are) and cats are essentially evil (also true):
- “And I haven’t seen a single cat.”
- “It’s mostly dogs up there.”
The next two entries explain how the dog got into heaven:
- “Well, St. Peter thought I was a good dog.”
- “I really was a good boy.”
NOTE: Our website doesn’t currently allow entrants to italicize or underscore words, so if you want to emphasize a word use ALL CAPS and we will italicize or underline it.
The next two captions refer to the hostile relationship between postal workers and canines while suggesting that the dog is not just dead but mischievous:
- “I just scared the shit out of the mailman.”
- “Wanna watch a mailman lose his mind?”
This caption alludes to the painting on the wall while highlighting the antagonistic relationship between canines and felines: “At least you waited until I died before you hung the cat’s artwork.”
Parents who put the family pet to sleep while trying to hide that fact from their children by telling a white lie may appreciate this entry: “It’s really nice, but it looks nothing like a farm.”
I love the way this entry suggests that the dog was the only thing that motivated his owner to get out of the house a couple times a day and engage in a mild form of exercise: “You look like you stopped going out for walks.”
This entry is both funny and sad, a fine combination: “I bet you thought I was just playing dead.”
My fellow judges and I all liked this caption—“They’re fun, but I’d rather have testicles.”—but suspect that the person who submitted it may have stolen the idea from this Sam Gross classic:
Our suspicion may, of course, be entirely unwarranted. This could easily be an example of parallel thinking. Furthermore, the contest entry does something terrific that Sam Gross’s joke does not by inserting the element of choice.
This month’s best pun assumes the dog is dead: “Turns out you can serve two masters.” The most bizarre suggests he’s a mythical creature: “Dyslexics often end up with Fairy Dogmothers.” The one I don’t love or hate works by replacing the word “emotional” with a fitting substitute: “Hi, I’m you spiritual support dog.” And the worst is, “I’m an Airedale.” That’s just my opinion, of course. Joel Mishon actually liked that pun.
The rest of this month’s noteworthy entries do not suggest the dog is dead.
These two are product placements:
- “I found the Red Bull.”
- “I had a Red Bull.”
This entry is yet another reference to the art on the wall: “Flying is great, except I’m eye level with your paintings.”
These two suggest that the wings could be the result of hybridization:
- “I think you should be directing these questions to the breeder.”
- “I’m bred to chase flying squirrels.”
Here’s some scatological humor:
- “When the wind is right, I can mark the whole country.”
- “You may want to wear a hat from now on.”
- “Make taller hydrants.”
This entry highlights the fact that the dog has a different perspective now that he can fly: “Wait. You’re bald?”
Finally, we have a couple jokes about dog-walking:
- “Will you take me out for a hover?”
- “Should I get my tether?”
Congratulations to JOHN KONNO, who submitted this month’s winning caption: “I really was a good boy.” John has during the last four months won $1,100 in our caption contest. With that much money, he could buy thirty copies of my book, “Your Caption Has Been Selected—More Than Anyone Could Possibly Want To Know About The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest.”
The five runners-up for this month’s contest are:
- “So good to see you again! Still keeping the rat poison next to the dog food?”
- “We’ll be playing fetch, sooner than you think.”
- “Turns out you can serve two masters.”
- “Great news. I caught the car.”
- “You just missed the genie!”
Watch the Judging Process
If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process and its below
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