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The Marriage of Alternative Facts."
"I'll take questions from the only reporter who trusts this Administration."
"The press briefings have picked up since they added the laugh track."
Possible Press Secretary Replacements
"We are banning refugees from seven nations including Syria, Iran, Yemen, Somalia, Sudan, Egypt and Nordstrom. This is definitely not a Muslim ban.
Smokey Eye and the Bandit
"Remember, tell the press diddly. Then go on and on about how hard we work and what a good job we do."