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'I don't care if it's picturesque. Just find someplace where they don't hate Americans.'
Humpty Dumpty at travel agency: 'Greal Wall of China!'
I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.
'I've repacked this so you have room for souvenirs.'
"Don't blame me, you're the one who suggested an island-hopping holiday!"