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'Elsewhere in the news, power generating companies have announced plans to environmental groups which will drastically reduce greenhouse gas emissions.'
"Just give me a minute, Mr. Vice-President, and I'll try to explain the difference between contributions to the Nature Conservancy and greens fees."
'It's true, we experienced a couple of spills last week, but we're using the latest in technology to clean them up. These are 2-ply.'
'What could possibly go wrong with the Keystone Pipeline? And don't worry about those non-fracking related earthquakes.'
'Nothing to see here...! Everybody just move along!!'
Friends of the Earth