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'There! That should make sure they don't do it again.'
'Oh gross, manure.'
'Yup, might be time for a new gardener.'
"Incidentally, I'm ordering all this fertilizer for peaceful purposes."
Tags:fertilizer, fertilizers, fertiliser, fertilisers, farmer, farm, farmers, farms, garden, gardener, gardens, gardeners, bomb, bombs, chemicals, chemical, dangerous, dangerous chemical, ammonium nitrate, explosion, explosions, suspicious, suspicions, fertilizer bomb, fertilizer bombs, fertiliser bomb, feriliser bombs, poison, poisonous, nitrogen, nitrates, terror, terroize, terrorise, terrorists, terrorism, explosive, explosives
"He's not here. He's on the roof watering his tomato plants."
Tags:secretary, secretaries, pa, pas, personal assistant, personal assistants, gardener, gardeners, tomato plant, tomato plants, professionalism, unprofessional, slacking, slacker, slackers, business meeting, business meetings, bad relationship, bad relationships, marital fight, marital fights, domestic, domestics, domestic argument, domestic arguments, spousal dispute, spousal disputes
"We took care of our leaf problem a long time ago."
Tags:fence, fences, wall, walls, garden, gardens, inside, indoors, home, homes, house, houses, gardening, gardeners, gardener, neighbour, neighbor, neighbors, neighbours, nosey, nosy, men, man, husband, husbands, home owner, home owners, neighborhood, neighbourhood, leaf, leaves, leaf problome, rake, raking, rakes, hell, hellish, hells, satan, satanic, devil, the devil, devils, demon, demons, punished, punishments, religious imagery
"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."
"I brought the bougainvillea in from the greenhouse. It wasn't happy out there."
Tags:relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, plant, plants, flower, flowers, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners, greenhouse, greenhouses, happy, happiness, unhappy, annoyed, upset, bougainvillea, thorn, thorns, thorny, hobby, hobbies, botany, botanist, botanists, science, taking over
"Lawn fish. They're hell to get rid of."
For the new gardener.
Tags:gardens, garden, gardener, gardeners, green thumb, green fingers, brown thumb, brown fingers, garden fads, beauty fads, fashion fads, food fads, faddy food, garden fails, garden tool, garden tools, consumerism, consumerist, marketing, false advertising, deceptive advertising, misleading advertising, promote, promotion, advertising standards, new gardener, amateur gardener, amateur
Tags:bonsai, bonsai tree, bonsai trees, gardener, gardeners, garden, garden, autumn, fall, rake, rakes, raking, raking the leaves, raking the lawn, chore, chores, tiny garden, tiny gardens, modern life, miniature, flat, flats, apartment, apartments, modern attitudes, no garden, perfectionist, perfectionism, overkill, pointless, pointlessness, city life, city, cities
In the houseplant cemetery.
Tags:houseplant, houseplants, cemetery, green thumb, green thumbs, keep alive, keeps alive, keeping alive, plant, plants, graveyard, graveyards, headstone, headstones, epitaph, epitaphs, kill houseplants, killing houseplants, murder, murders, murdering, greenery, fake plant, fake plants, fake houseplant, fake houseplants, old age, die, dies, dying, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners
"The growing season has barely begun, but I've already been getting death threats."
"Compost? I say it's manure, and I say the hell with it!"
Tags:vegetable, vegetables, veggies, lettuce, head of lettuce, cabbage, farm, farms, farmer, farmers, farming, agriculture, crop, crops, growing crops, garden, gardening, gardener, gardeners, plant, plants, growing, raising, compost, dirt, manure, fertiliser, kid, kids, child, children, young, younger, old, older, adults, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, language, word play, wordplay
Johnny Appleseed's evil spawn
Tags:johnny appleseed, john chapman, pioneer, pioneers, american pioneer, american pioneers, american history, historical figure, historical figures, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners, nature, nature lover, nature lovers, apple tree, apple trees, weeds, crabgrass, dandelions, dandelion, poison ivy, nettle, nettles, planting seeds, plant seeds, grow, grows, growing, evil spawn, children, child, progeny, legacy, legacies, grandchild, kid, kids, grandkid, grandkids
Umbrella with Flowers
'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'
"The garden is my résumé."
"Lawn care has been good to us, Ed."
There once was a person who planted a seed
'I think we found the spot where you spilled the fertilizer.'
A bird pulls a flower out of the ground and sings into it as though it is a microphone.
"I don't know what went wrong."
"End of February, McIntosh. Time to think about our spring plantings."
Tags:jail, jails, prison, prisons, incarceration, behind bars, imprisoned, imprisonment, penitentiary, penitentiaries, correctional facility, correctional facilities, prisoner, prisoners, inmate, inmates, convict, convicts, criminal, criminals, punishments, cell, cells, cellmate, cellmates, celly, cellie, cellies, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners, leisure.hobby, hobbies, spring, springtime, planting, plant, plants, flower, flowers, plan, plans, planning, february, spring planting, season, seasons, planting season, seasonal