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"The problem is that your trap is one big macaroni."
"It equals out. I pay alimony to Laurie and Denise, and I get alimony from Brenda and Suzanne."
Tags:alimony, divorce, divorcing, divorces, divorced, paying alimony, bigamy, polygamy, divorcing, divorce proceedings, maintenance, allowance, child support, slimy, immoral, bar, bars, drink, drinks, alcohol, sad, sad sack, scheme, scheming, plan, plans, marriage, marriages, married, marries, relationship, relationships, break up, break-ups, break ups, divorcee
"It pains me to tell you this, but it ain't broke."
Tags:broken, broke, fix, fixed, fixing, sales, salesman, salesperson, fix-it, repair, repairs, repaired, repairman, repairmen, customer, customers, customer service, appliances, truthful, honest, honesty, honestly, rip-off, ripped-off, returned, returns, return, shop, shops, store, stores, maintenance
'My grandfather always used to say 'Son, if it ain't dysfunctional, don't attempt preemptive maintenance intervention on it.' Or something like that.'
'Man, there's gotta be an easier way to do this. . .'
Tags:plumber, plumbing, emergency plumber, emergency plumbers, plumber, emergency plumbing, superintendent, superintendents, building superintendent, building superintendents, super, supers, caretaker, caretakers, building manager, building managers, apartments, apartment, maintenance, maintenance man, furniture, furniture repair, confusion, confuse, confused, burst pipe, burst pipes, pipe, pipes, water, water leak, leaking water, repair, repairs, repair man, repair men, troubleshoot, troubleshooting, absurd, modern furniture, modern furniture design
"I want to be put on lifestyle support."
Tags:lifestyle, lifestyles, life support, life support system, life support systems, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, divorce, divorces, divorce lawyer, divorce lawyers, alimony, divorce settlement, divorce settlements, divorce payment, divorce payments, spousal support, maintenance, spousal maintenance, gold digger, gold diggers, goldigger
"Let's not panic till we know whether it's coming in or going out."
Tags:panic, panics, panicking, flood, floods, flooding, tide, come in, comes in, coming in, go out, goes out, going out, maintenance, maintenance man, maintenance men, leak, leaks, leaky pipe, leaky pipes, freakout, freakouts, freak-out, freaking out, keep your cool, keeping your cool, janitor, janitors, clean up, cleans up, white collar, white collar worker, white collar workers
'Odd as it may seem, it needs oil.'
Tags:oil, oils, petrol, petrols, door, doors, entrance, entrances, irony, ironic, odd, oddity, oddities, technician, technicians, repair, repairs, repairing, repaired, maintain, maintains, maintaining, maintained, maintenance, fix, fixes, fixing, fixed, shortage, shortages, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'
"It was the cheapest way for us to cover the potholes."
Tags:council, city council, city, city hall, city hall, government, local government, mayor, mayors, road, roadworks, roadwork, yoga, yogi, yogis, yoga mat, yoga mats, roads, highway, highway maintenance, maintenance, costs, cost, low cost, cost effective, cost efficiency, efficiency, efficiencies, money saving, money, save, saves, road maintenance, street, streets, cover up, covered up, cover-up, budget, budgets, budget cut, budget cuts, cut, cuts
Trucks sprinkle salt and grind fresh pepper on the roads.
Tags:season, seasons, seasoning, winter, winter months, street, streets, maintenance, snow, snows, snowing, snow plow, snow plows, snow plowing, snow plough, snow ploughs, snow ploughing, highway safety, highway maintenance, pepper, pepper grinder, pepper grinders, salt the roads, salts the roads, salting the roads, well-seasoned, tasty, highway safety, road safety, safety measure, safety measures
'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'
"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."
Tags:bigfoot, sasquatch, sasquatches, folklore, myth, myths, legend, legends, story, stories, unknown, mystery, mysteries, mysterious, super, supers, superintendent, superintendents, caretaker, caretakers, manager, managers, building manager, building managers, custodian, custodians, maintenance, photo, photos, photograph, photographs, rare, sighting, sightings, building, buildings, flat, flats, apartment, apartments, condo, condos, condominium, condominiums, disappear, disappearing, untraceable, impossible to reach, can't contact, property, properties, real estate
"Go back! The place is full of mold!"
Tags:battle, historical, historically, feudal, feudalism, peasant, peasants, soldier, soldiers, medieval, warrior, warriors, siege, sieged, sieges, siege ladder, ladder, ladders, mold, molds, moldy, mould, moulds, mouldy, retreat, retreats, retreating, care, home, new home, clean, cleaning, cleanliness, cleaning service, cleaning services, maintenance, maintenance man, war, wars, excuse, excuses, sick, ill, sickness, get well soon
"The plumber says to put a pan under the place that leaks."
Tags:leak, leaks, plumber, plumbing, flood, flooding, leaky, service, service, maintenance, home, homes, home ownership, house, houses, diy, maintenance men, maintenance man, fix, fixing, fixed, fixes, furniture, interior, interiors, visual gag, visual joke, underwhelm, underwhelming, ignorance, ignorant, missing, missing the point, underestimating, underestimate, butler, butlers
"I'm done - I only jog far enough to burn off the cheesecake I had for breakfast."
Tags:jog, jogs, jogging, jogger, joggers, unhealthy, unhealthy eating, dessert, desserts, fatty food, fatty foods, run, runs, running, runner, runners, motivation, motivations, weight loss, maintaining weight, maintenance, maintain, maintaining, calorie, counting calories, burning calories, breakfast, breakfasts, breakfast food, breakfast foods, cake, cakes, break, breaks, take a break, takes a break, taking a break
A road painter is resting on the side of the road. Rather than painting white lines on a black road he has been painting black on a white road, leaving some white bits.
"If he can't get Yard of the Month, he'd rather just burn it."
Tags:yard, yards, award, awards, award season, proud, pride, lawn, lawns, lawn care, lawn maintenance, maintenance, maintaining, accomplishment, accomplishments, perfectionist, perfectionists, perfectionism, torch, torches, burn, burns, burning, jealous, jealousy, real estate, garden, gardens, front yard, front yards, front garden, front gardens, petty, pettiness, personal property, yardwork, chore, chores, mow the lawn, mowing the lawn, award season
'I don't have time to explain. Just call the super and tell him the elevator's stuck.'
'You mean nobody knows where they put the fuse box?'
"Extreme Leaf Blowing"
Tags:leaf blower, leaf blowers, landscaping, landscaper, landscapers, lawn maintenance, maintenance, maintenance man, maintenance men, lawn service, groundskeeper, groundskeepers, leaf, leaves, destruction, destroy, destroying, funnel, funnels, funnel cloud, funnel clouds, tornado, tornadoes, weather, bad weather, storm, storms, stormy, windy, wind, windstorm, windstorms, extreme, neighbourhood, neighborhood, fall, autumn, noisy, annoying, loud
'There you are, sir - Would you also like to purchase a maintenance agreement?'
'You just put me away last fall with no winterization and not even a thank you and you expect to start right up this spring. Well, we'll see about that!'
'Maybe we can borrow some money from China.'