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"Then we carefully disguise the bribes as legal fees by changing the word 'bribes' to 'legal fees.'"
Tags:legal, legal fees, bribe, bribes, cooking the books, cook the books, bribery, politician, politicians, politically, scandal, scandals, current event, current events, news, news cycle, news cycles, fee, fees, hidden, hidden money, white collar crime, white collar crimes, bribing, lawyer, lawyers, judge, judges, judiciary, judicial
"Oh, that three billion dollars."
"I never should have tried to take my accounting to the next level."
'Legal says we should be fine - provided no one left a paper trail.'
'Take this and have a masseuse massage the numbers until they fit into out proposed profit projections.'
"Here are the numbers you wanted cooked, sir."
Tags:bookkeeper, bookkeepers, book keeper, book keepers, book-keeper, book-keepers, accountant, accountants, accountancy, cooking the books, cook the book, chef, chefs, chef's hat, chef's hats, corruption, white collar crime, white collar crimes, financial crime, financial crimes, businessmen, businessman
'Why do you think we're paying you all this money - to tell the truth?'
'We believe numbers don't lie, especially when interpreted advantageously.'
'We used to cook the books, but now we deep-fry them. Everything's better when it's deep-fried.'
"I still have my loophole, but I can't drive a truck through it."
Tags:loophole, loopholes, tax, taxes, government, governments, expression, expressions, saying, sayings, idiom, idioms, literal, literally, take literally, close loopholes, closing loopholes, tax, taxes, tax loophole, tax loopholes, tax dodger, tax dodgers, tax dodging, creative accounting, cook the books, cooks the books, cooking the books, rich, riches, wealthy, wealthy class, wealthy classes, elite, elites, elite society, restriction, restrictions, tax law, tax laws
"Today, we will talk about your phony numbers. We will not talk about the I.R.S. having too many cooks!"
Tags:internal revenue service, irs, tax cheat, tax cheats, cheater, cheaters, i.r.s., tax day, tax days, cook the books, cooking the books, audit, audits, auditor, auditors, distraction, distract, distracting, lie, lies, lying, back taxes, bureaucracy, bureaucracies, accountant, accountants, accounting, excuse, excuses
Irish Step Accounting
Tags:accounting, accountant, accountants, dance, dances, dancing, irish dancer, irish dancers, irish step dancing, irish step dancer, irish step dancers, tap dancer, tap dancers, tap dancing, creative accounting, cook the books, cooking the books, tax, taxes, tax form, tax forms, number cruncher, number crunchers, tax day, tax return, tax returns
Accounting Department, Legal Department, Jail.
'I know figures don't lie. Your job is to make them.'
"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."
Tags:prison, prisoner, prisoners, white collar, white collar crime, white collar criminal, white collar criminals, corruption, corrupt, insider trading, inside trading, financial information, finances, cook the books, cooking the books, account, accounts, accounting, fraud, fraudulence, fraudulent, securities market, securities markets, sarbanes-oxley, sarbanes-oxley act, sox
'I didn't cook the books. Instead, I incorporated them into a tasty tuna noodle casserole!'
'How much is two plus two?' - 'How much do you want it to be?'
"As it happened, my work as an accountant transcended the genre."
'What was your entry, 'Rob Peter to Pay Paul all about?'
"Trump's election has certainly thrown the cat amongst the pigeons... The only way we'll get through it is to embrace this new world, develop our business strategy around it! So the plan is to build a betterer business, a beautiful business... One where i
Tags:trump, donald trump, president trump, president donald trump, lie, lies, liar, liars, misrepresentation, misrepresentations, cook the books, cooking the books, cooks the books, leading by example, lead by example, leads by example, alternative fact, alternative facts, alternate fact, alternate facts, brag, brags, bragging, braggart, braggarts
"I've worked out all the figures, we're just not sure what order to put them in!"
Tags:uk budget, budgets, budget, budget resolution, budget resolutions, united kingdom budget, accountant, accountants, accounting, creative accounting, creative accountant, creative accountants, figures, mark to market, work the numbers, working the numbers, sales figures, cook the books, cooking the books
'Check forgery and using a pseudonym are two different things.'
'You say that you were a chef before retraining as an accountant?... That's good, we could use a bookkeeper who can cook.'
"Where is the Office Ledger?"