Search by Search ID or Tag or use the Advanced Search
'Oh... I always thought it was just an allegory...'
"I died in my sleep."
"Oh them, They're contrarians."
"Ever wonder if there's something less?"
"Now that we've got your head back on, let's move to the next bit of business."
Tags:gates of heaven, pearly gates, pearl gates, st peter, st. peter, heaven, the afterlife, afterlife, life after death, saint peter, king, kings, royal, royals, royalty, execution, executions, executed, leader, leaders, coup, coups, revolution, revolutions, businesslike, business-like, efficient, efficiency
"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."
Tags:death, dead, burial, burials, memorial, memorials, funeral, funerals, burial service, burial services, memorial service, memorial services, funeral service, funeral services, cemetery, cemeteries, graveyard, graveyards, tombstone, tombstones, gravestone, gravestones, headstone, headstones, grave, graves, marker, markers, mourner, mourners, mourning, grieving, bereaved, upgraded, upgrade, upgrades, first class, business class, travel, tourism, traveler, travelers, traveller, travellers, point, points, point card, point cards, heaven, after death, life after death, consumerism
A man gets through the pearly gates with an E-Z Pass.
"Oh, another thing, …. the wings are strictly decorative."
For one embarrassing week, heaven ran out of normal wings,
Everyone's heard of the stairway to heaven, but most people don't know it was actually built to keep the fatties out.
"It was much nicer before people started storing all their personal information in the cloud."
Tags:religion, religious, death, after death, life after death, heaven, angel, angels, cloud, clouds, cloud storage, storage, technology, computer, computers, data, information, personal information, storing, file, files, filing cabinet, filing cabinets, filing, system, systems, computing, nicer, better, server, servers, data storage, digital data, hosting, cloud computing, virtual infrastructure, modern life
"You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you . . ."
Tags:religion, religious, death, life after death, after death, hell, dead, soul, souls, devil, devils, lucifer, satan, demon, demons, entrance to hell, hell's entrance, club, clubs, nightclub, nightclubs, entrance, entrance, line, lines, lineup, lineups, queue, queues, lining up, lining, queuing, waiting, new arrival, new arrivals, you, bouncer, bouncers, doorman, doormen, security
"In heaven you can pee on the carpet."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, talking pet, talking pets, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, talking dog, talking dogs, dog, dogs, canine, canines, dog owner, dog owners, religion, religious, death, after death, life after death, afterlife, heaven, doggie heaven, doggy heaven, pet heaven, rainbow bridge, carpet, carpets, paradise
"He's from Texas."
Tags:deathbed, terminal, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, religious, god, religions, religious imagery, hell, hellish, after life, after-life, afterlife, life after death, underworld, under world, under-world, hades, demon, horn, horns, horned, texas, texan, bigger in texas, do it big in texas, big, bigger is better, cowboy, cow boys, southern, southerners, deep south, region, regions, regional, south america, america
"For someone who's supposed to be omniscient, I've noticed he calls all the new guys 'buddy.'"
"He does the whole lightning-bolt-thing on line now."
"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."
Tags:religion, religious, death, after death, life after death, heaven, angel, angels, health, fitness, prevention, heart attack, heart attacks, stroke, strokes, aspirin, blood thinner, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicine, medicines, meds, medication, medications, pill, pills, medical, non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, nsaid, nsaids, heart health, doctor, doctors
The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1
Tags:religion, religious, religious imagery, religiously, imagery, heaven, heavens, heavenly, diet, dietary, dietary restrictions, restriction, restrictions, lactose, lactose intolerance, intolerance, diabetes, diabetic, diabete, milk, milk allergy, honey, insulin, insulin spike, sugar, sugars, glucose, insulin response, angel, angels, afterlife, life after death, after-life, after life, halo, modern, modern life, modern world, eating, special requirements, requirements
"Look, it could be worse - at least we're dead."
An angel walking a dog that has stopped to dig in a cloud
"Here he is, folks, straight from his deathbed in Jersey City, a beautiful guy—let's hear a nice round of applause for . . ."
Tags:deathbed, terminal, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, heaven, heavenly, heavens, heavenly gates, pearly gates, st peter, peter, saint, saints, angel, angels, angelic, angelically, religious, god, gods, lord, religions, religious imagery, st. peter, the heavens, after life, after-life, afterlife, life after death, paradise, paradiso, nirvana, condolence, condolences, sympathy, sympathies, introducing, introduction, introductions, introduce, introduced, audience, applause, applaud, applauded, applauding, applauds
"Get a tomb!"
Tags:ghost, ghosts, kiss, kissing, smooch, smooching, making out, makeout, make out, get a room, play on words, word play, word-play, pun, puns, death, dead, die, died, afterlife, after life, life after death, spooky, spook, spirit, spirits, eternal, eternal love, love, loving, loves, valentine, valentines, couple, couples, marriage, married, married life, together forever
"I don't mean to grouse, but I had a better dental plan down there."
"You say 'meek,' but your records say 'passive-aggressive.'"
Tags:heaven, angel, angels, god, st. peter, st. peter's gate, gate, gates, entrance, entrances, judge, judges, judgement, judgement day, judging, death, after death, life after death, dead, modern, modern life, modernise, modernize, technology, computer, computers, record, records, history, data, meek, humble, passive, passive-aggressive, passive aggressive, unassuming, gentle, wordplay, word play
"I loved the good old days, …. 'better dead than red'."