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'I really hate it when the boss gets all motivational, and when he wears a thong!'
"I don't believe in affirmations. I believe in confirmations. The money you've paid me to be here confirms that I am awesome."
"You all know today's speaker. He's the 'King of Big Sales'."
"Since we couldn't get Commander Hadfield to talk on space, let's welcome Hazmat Mike to talk mould!"
'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'