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"And now let's welcome, for the first and last time . . ."
"When 'Hey Diddle Diddle' came along, we jumped at the chance to work together."
"I never watched him at eleven-thirty-five and I didn't watch him at ten, and now, once again, I won't be watching him at eleven-thirty-five."
Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club
"Cut to commercial! For pity's sake, cut to commercial!"
Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...
"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."
"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."
"Dump Leno and get Perot."
"So I hear you did your own stunts in this movie."
"So I said to Cousteau, 'Look, pal, you're not the only frog in the sea.' But, seriously, Jerry . . ."