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News Anchors Cartoons and Comics

News Anchors cartoon 1 of 185


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"This is ghastly! Give me a moment to wipe the smile off my face."

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"Tonight there is no news and recent surveys indicate that that my be good news."

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'Oh my God! Brace yourselves! . . . Wait - this just in: everything's fine. . . for now'

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"And as the campaign heats up, the latest poll shows the Dan Rather news team running slightly ahead of the Peter Jennings news team, with Tom Brokaw team just two points back and gaining."

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"You cannot have helped but notice the concerned expression on my face. This is because of some news I have to report."

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"Should we let him in? He says he's Wolf Blitzer."

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"All in all, the squirrel news is good."

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"We opened our newscast with the question, 'Did a U.F.O. land on Staten Island?' We can now report that did not happen."

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"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Kruthers on the toilet."

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"Tonight's top stories—chaos, pandemonium, mayhem, and the latest shenanigans of ____."

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'Although nothing newsworthy happened today, we will give you meaningless chatter, with the same enthusiasm we reserve for breaking news.'

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News Wear World

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'. . . This breaking news just in: Police are on the lookout for a man who just escaped from the mental hospital. . . they say he's completely psychotic and dangerous, and he may believe he's a T.V. news anchor. . .'

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This is News Six reporting from the New Jersey Turnpike. Southbound traffic is at a standstill. Now back to the newsroom.

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"No, no, the way you're shifting your papers - it's all wrong."

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"We're in love.""Details at eleven."

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'In a dramatic reversal, economists now believe that leading economic indicators are now lagging economic indicators.'

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"Squirrel news of the day: Same as yesterday. Good night and good luck."

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"My woman done left me, ran off with my best friend.Well, my woman done left me, said she ran off with my best friend.Details are sketchy at this time,so let's go to Jennifer Diaz standing by in Washington."

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"Today opened as November 10, 1987, swung wildly to March 7, 1996, and closed as December 5, 1902."

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Difference of Opinion

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"Denise, will you be my co-anchor?"

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"This is your ninety-nine-per-cent-news-free six-o'clock news."

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"And now a special report from 'News 4' Science Editor, Dr. Frank Lovell, on how to remove your own gallbladder."

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Brian Williams

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