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"Nation-wise, we're in a pickle."
'Our top story: It's now day six of the cue card holders' strike.'
Hoping to encourage readers to buy the hard copy of the paper, the Journal Times Herald, only printed every other word in its online edition.
"This is our rant room."
Tags:tv broadcasting, tv broadcaster, tv broadcasters, television broadcasting, television broadcaster, television broadcasters, anchor desk, anchorman, anchormen, anchorman, news desk, news, the news, news report, news reporter, news reporter, news reporters, rant, rants, ranting, opinion, opinions, strong opinions, disagreement, disagreements, shouting at the tv, shouting at the television, political opinion, political opinions
DAILY DESPAIR - Right we'll lead on 'environmental armageddon followed by the bird flu ' end of humanity story' and the main feature will be questioning the reasons for increases in depression.
"I fully expect the third grade to hold plenty of difficulties, but I've had a restful summer and think I'm up to whatever challenges I encounter."
Tags:interview, interviews, interviewer, reporter, reporters, journalist, journalists, news, news reporter, news reporters, news coverage, press, press coverage, press interview, man on the street, newscaster, newscasters, child, children, childhood, first day of school, first day back at school, summer vacation, summer break, elementary school, elementary schools, primary school, primary schools, third grade, optimism, optimistic, pre-game interview, pre-game interviews, challenges, overcoming challenges, gifted children, gifted student, gifted students, student, students, child, children, childhood, overachiever, overachievers
"Here's what went wrong today."
Tags:anchor desk, anchorman, anchormen, anchorman, news desk, news, the news, news report, news reporter, news reporter, news reporters, the human condition, bad news, world news, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, tv broadcasting, tv broadcaster, tv broadcasters, television broadcasting, television broadcaster, television broadcasters
'It's been reported that the Human Genome Project has discovered a sticking-your-foot-in-your-mouth gene.'
"Poll numbers remained unchanged today, as people used recent events to reinforce whatever views they already had."
'Stocks declined on news that everyone is playing online poker instead of playing the stock market.'
Media give little attention to Darfur tragedy.
'Some good economic news today...the dollar gained against the value of the quarter, dime and nickel...'
"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."
'I'm sorry... We seem to be having a problem with our teleprompter.'
Doctor to patient regarding awaiting media: 'I hope you don't mind - I called a press conference.'
'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'
THE NIGHTLY NEWS, 1959, 2009 'What happened here?', 'How do you FEEL about what happened here?'
'If you stop writing all this rubbish that I bribed my way to the top I'll make it worth your while.'
'The economy picked up this quarter, led by disaster relief management, anti-terrorism, security services,bankruptcies, medical malpractice claims...'
"Meaningless statistics were up one-point-five per cent this month over last month."
Tags:statistics, stats, statistician, statisticians, meaningless statistics, fake news, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, anchor desk, anchorman, anchormen, anchorman, news desk, news, the news, news report, news reporter, news reporter, news reporters, irony, ironic, incompetent, incompetence
The Ekert Saga: 'Whoa...you really like cable news, eh, Ekert?'
News presenters read inane text messages from viewers: 'And a text from Stuart in Gloucester ... HAHAHA DAT CRAKS ME UP!!! LOL!! UR DA GR8EST :-)XOXOX'
"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."
'I don't trust any TV anchorman under 30.'
Tags:news anchor, news anchors, news anchorman, news anchormen, anchor, anchors, anchormen, anchorman, tv anchor, tv anchors, tv anchorman, tv anchorman, news report, news reporters, journalist, journalists, journalism, reporter, reporters, trust, trust issues, trust issues, ageism, ageist, ageists, grumpy old men, grumpy old man