Cable News Cartoons and Comics

"The robbery and car chase are better in the movie but the hostage situation was definitely better on the cable news coverage."

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

"Oh, he's pretty depressed - he's the only retired general the networks haven't called."

The All-Crisis Network

The Art of Bantering!

"You're right - I'm not listening to you - I'm reading the crawl on the bottom of your screen."

'Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the 'everything's wonderful' cable news?'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'Newspaper? Cable News? Actually, I keep abreast of current events by watching late-night tv comics!'

"We've tried all the news channels - this guy is unbreakable."

The Evening News

"I've just listened to all the political news. I think I'm going to go back to sleep.

"Good evening. I'm your news anchor-bot."

The Ekert Saga: 'Our only hope to stop the Ekert's scourge of niceness, Gentlemen, is to find the anti-Ekert...He'd be one whose soulless, uncaring egocentricity is so impenetrable that he's immune to the Ekert's spiritual power.'

'My brain just pulled a hamstring.'

The Ekert Saga: 'Whoa...you really like cable news, eh, Ekert?'

"Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the, 'everything's wonderful' cable news?"

"And this will allow people the freedom to express themselves through the talking points of their choosing."

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

"Scary, isn't it? The scariest thing is that I won't go away after Halloween. I'll be back tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and..."

"Where are people going to get their misinformation?"

'Coming up: papers, pins and stones ... and the rest of the rolling news.'