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"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."
'The efficiency experts we hired will need an extra week to finish their report.'
'Right, I've convened these meetings to explore some concerns about the number of meetings we've been having.'
'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'
"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."
Tags:businessmen, businessman, employees, job interview, job interviews, job candidate, job candidates, job applicant, job applicants, expert, experts, expertise, screw up, mistake, employee, interview, new job, jobs, efficiency, efficiency expert, efficiency experts, efficiency consultant, efficiency consultants
'Right we need an urgent response to our productivity problems...'
"We have no choice. The efficiency study concluded that this is the most direct route to the conference room."
'Having conducted a comprehensive and lengthy review of your practice using the latest guidelines I would suggest that you could make major efficiencies by tell me to **** off and waste some other poor sods time.'
'Why is it costing us $685.35 to process a $25 sales order?'
'The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his ***** dates at this ***** stage which fits in with the 'Management change' consultant who said....'
'Having Analysed the business we think the NHS could save half a billion by sacking all of us...that'll be £250,000.'
"They're little notes he keeps leaving me on how to best utilise my housekeeping time."
Tags:housekeeping, housekeeper, housekeepers, chore, chores, domestics, cleaning, dusting, sweeping, shopping, washing, laundry, ironing, cooking, womans work, housework, bonfire, notes, rubbish, incinerator, fire, memos, advice, efficiency, husband, wedded bliss, housewife, housewives, efficiency, bossy, bossiness, efficiency expert, efficiency consultant
Time Is Money
"I asked you for ideas on how we can streamline the workforce Penswick. I hope for your sake this isn't one of them."
"I told you not to hire that stupid efficiency expert!"
"To increase efficiency and to optimize your working time we decided to put your desk in here."
Tags:efficiency expert, efficiency experts, efficiency consultant, efficiency consultants, work environment, work environments, working environment, working environments, desk job, desk jobs, toilet break, toilet breaks, bathroom break, bathroom breaks, worker, workers, employee, employees, work ethic
"You're fired, but don't worry. We're hiring you back as a consultant on how NOW to do things."
Tags:hr, human resources, personnel, efficiency consultant, efficiency consultants, consultant, consultants, business consultant, business consultants, fired, fire, fires, sack, sacks, sacked, unemployed, unemployment, expert, experts, employee, employees, employer, employers, boss, bosses, job description, job descriptions, job title, job titles
'The government has announced further radical efficiency measures which will be implemented by 2025.'
"Hi, I'm the efficiency expert you hired, and... Oh, heck! -- I forgot my briefcase again!"
Efficiency and Outsourcing Expert - Did My Job Too Well. Please Help!
Tags:efficiency expert, efficiency experts, outsourcing expert, outsourcing experts, outsourcing, business consultant, business consultants, beggar, beggars, begging, street person, street people, beg, begs, outsourced, job security, efficiency consultant, efficiency consultants, spending cuts, cutback, cutbacks
'After two days of intensive calculations I have figures out why your company doesn't make any profit: your expenses are too high. That'll be 4, 785,000 euros, please.'
'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'
'The efficiency expert is having difficulty finding our office.'
'What can we do to reduce our spending?'