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"I'm looking to hire someone who can be acquiescent without making me uncomfortably aware of it."
Tags:underling, underlings, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, acquiesce, acquiescing, subservient, subservience, attitude, attitudes, boss, bosses, manager, managers, corporate culture, power trip, power trips, new hire, new hires, ideal employee, ideal employees, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, honest, honesty, self-aware, self-awareness
"This is Stan, He's helping us look beneath the surface of reality to transcendent truths, in order to make a buck."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, introductions, introducing, reality, transcendent, truth, truths, money, finances, making money, new hire, new hires, philosophy, profit, profits
"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."
Tags:hiring, new hire, new hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, human resources, hr, h.r., interview, interviews, negotiation, negotiations, salary negotiation, salary negotiations, salary, salaries, income, wage, wages, money, pay, self-motivated, motivation, motivations, motive, motives, true motive, true motives, office life, business, employee, employees, worker, workers, motivating factor, motivating factors, self-starter, self-starters, suspicious, suspiciousness
"Welcome to orientation."
Tags:welcome, orientation, job orientation, workplace orientation, new job, new jobs, new starter, new starters, welcome day, welcome days, induction, inductions, new hire, new hires, newby, newbies, visual pun, visual puns, pun, puns, play on words, wordplay, ange, angles, direction, directions, at an angle, slant, slanted
"I think you'll find I'm hard working, tech-savvy, and should the need arise, willing to wear a wire."
Tags:hiring, hire, hires, new hires, recruitment, interview, interviews, performance review, performance reviews, job interview, job interviews, selling yourself, hard worker, hard workers, hard working, tech-savvy, skills, skilled, competency, competent, snitch, snitches, wear a wire, wearing a wire
'We give all our new hires these forms to fill out and a copy of our mission statement on converting to a paperless office.'
"Where's that young turk that I hired not so long ago?"
"I fear there are only so many bamboo metaphors the average reader can tolerate."
Tags:interview, interviews, interviewer, interviewee, interview skills, interview skill, get hired, hired, hiree, hiring, hires, new hire, new hires, panda, pandas, talking animal, talking animals, job, jobs, new job, new jobs, working world, work, world of work, editorial, editor, editors, censor, censorship, metaphor, metaphors, puns, pun, overused, overuse, over used, over use, bamboo, bamboo joke, panda, pandas, cute, cute animals, manuscript, manuscripts, agent, agents, rejection, reject, rejected, book, books, bookish, book worm, book worms
"Right now it's between you and two hundred and fifty other people who came to Seattle, moved in with five roommates, joined a band, took a job in a coffee bar, got fed up, had a meeting with themselves, and decided it was time to go out and find a real job."
Tags:hire, hires, hiring, seattle, cliche, cliches, millennial, millennials, slacker, slackers, slack off, slacking off, 30, 30s, thirtysomething, thirtysomethings, personnel, hire, hires, hiring, new hire, new hires, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, c/v, c/vs, resume, resumes
'We provide temporary housing for new hires.'
"I hate to see you go, but I've met the new you and she seems very nice."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, fired, laid off, unemployment, termination, being fired, getting fired, new hire, new hires, replacement, replacements, rude, impolite, bad manners, quitting
"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"
Tags:business meeting, business meetings, meeting, meetings, client, clients, new client, new clients, new hire, new hires, new employee, new employees, employer, employers, employees, hiring, hiring process, hire, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interviewer, interviewers, interviewee, interviewees, human resources, hr, h.r., recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, surprise, surprises, unexpected, walrus, walruses, surprise, surprised, businessmen, businessman, salesman, salesmen, sales call, sales calls, business deal, business deals, sexist, women in business, women, women in power
"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, new job, new jobs, new hire, new hires, hiring, oddball, oddballs, weirdo, weirdos, eccentric, eccentrics, coworker, coworkers, colleague, colleagues
"He's our new expert in logistics and 24 hour global delivery systems."
Coming Soon to an Office Near You: Invaders From the Planet of the Recent College Graduates
Tags:graduates, younger generation, generation gap, youth, young, younger, hiring, hire, new hire, new hires, graduate, college grad, grad, grads, college grads, unemployment, unemployed, laid off, lay off, downsizing, cut, cuts, cutting costs, cutting cost, world of work, working world, millennial, millennial, baby boomer, baby boomers, age, ageing
This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.
"Stick your head out the window, davenport, and see way the wind is blowing.''
"And Thursday is karaoke night."
Tags:office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, hiring, hired, hiring manager, manager, managers, employment, employee, employees, get together, gathering, karaoke, sing along, trend, trends, perk, work perks, benefit, benefits, modern life, new hire, new employee, new hires, new employees, new staff
"He eats a lot but has good horse sense."
Tags:cpa, cpas, accountant, accountants, accounting, accounts receivable, accounts payable, horse, horses, horse sense, common sense, literal, literally, figurative, figuratively, eat, eats, big eater, big eaters, eats like a horse, new hire, new hires, new job, new jobs, expression, expressions, saying, sayings, idiom, idioms
"I'm beginning to have serious doubts about the efficiency of those psychological job-placement tests."
Tags:efficient, efficiency, job placement, job placement test, job placement tests, job market, job markets, test, tests, exam, exams, examination, examinations, standardized test, standardized tests, standardised test, standardised tests, inefficient, inefficiency, job candidate, job candidates, new hire, new hires, recruiter, recruiters, job recruiter, job recruiter, job recruitment, recruitment, hiring officer, hiring officers
"And, as a new employee, you are immediately entitled to participate in the company's proactive health plan."
Tags:personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruiter, recruiters, recruitment, new job, new jobs, hiring, new employee, new employees, new hire, new hires, new worker, new workers, employee, employees, worker, workers, business, businessman, businessmen, businesswoman, businesswomen, apple, apples, fruit, one a day, proactive, health plan, health plans, insurance, health insurance, medical insurance, insurance, healthcare, health care, company, companies, corporate, medical, medicine, benefit, benefits, modern life
'Our company lost $3.2 billion this year. Since you only started working here on Tuesday, you'll only receive half the blame.'
"Spot here was brought onboard to oversee our new feline-focused campaign."
Tags:feline, felines, canine, canines, advertising campaign, advertising campaigns, marketing campaign, marketing campaigns, marketing strategy, advertising strategy, dog, dogs, canine, canines, single minded, fresh perspective, fresh perspectives, new perspective, new perspectives, glass ceiling, glass ceilings, new hire, new hires, expert, experts, expertise, specialist knowledge, consultant, consultants, target audience, target audiences, cat, cats, natural enemy, natural enemies
"Meet Brad Paulson, our first round draft choice out of Wharton.''
Tags:new hire, new hires, new employee, new employees, new worker, new workers, employee, employees, worker, workers, job, jobs, career, office, office, office life, sport, sports, draft, drafts, draft pick, draft picks, first round, hiring, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters
"The problem is, Carl, when we hired you we thought you'd be exactly like you are now...only better."