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Long custody battle.
'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'
'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'
'Put that down, pay attention and answer the question.'
"Hey, are you here for a divorce, too!?"
'They're fighting over who gets custody of the electronic devices.'
'The divorce was friendly until we had to divide up the paypal account...'
"In the settlement, I got both houses!"
"But, Your Honor, I want supervised visits with the kids!"
"What the...I got a paternity suit from that scruffy poodle b***h from Inverness?!"
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Lawyers come from everywhere!
Tags:divorce lawyer, divorce lawyers, divorce, divorces, divorce attorney, divorce attorneys, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, mars, venus, married life, married lives, married couple, married couples, family court, family courts, relationship problem, relationship problems, marriage problem, marriage problems, gender gap, gender gaps
'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'
"The judge wants you to report next week for sentencing."
'Not the usual custody case, your honor. This child was adopted by two different Hollywood actresses.'
"Who'd you prefer to live with son?"
"Yep, paid through the nose."
The court grants you the estate but there will be a forfeiture for the bad karma.
"My wife's solicitor doesn't understand me."
Tags:divorce, divorces, divorced, divorcing, marital breakdown, marital breakdowns, solicitor, solicitors, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, divorce settlement, divorce settlements, court, courts, family court, family courts, marriage problem, marriage problems, marital problem, marital problems
"Your wife gets the kids. . . and you get custody of the mortgage."
'I thought your wife wasn't contesting the divorce.'
"We got divorced but came to an amicable agreement. Sheila kept the house and the car, but I got custody of the fridge."
Tags:separation, separations, divorce, divorces, divorced, divorce settlement, divorce settlements, family court, family courts, custody, custodies, marital breakdown, marital breakdowns, marriage breakdown, marriage breakdowns, amicable agreement, amicable agreements, amicable divorce, amicable divorces, obese, obesity, overweight, weight problem, weight problems, refrigerator, refrigerators, fridge, fridges
'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'
'We're seeking a divorce on the grounds of incompatible computers.'
'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.'
"I got the house...which is ironic, because he always said I was a lousy housekeeper."