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Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'
'Smith, when I asked you to 'begin the tender process'...'
'It says right here in your contract, folks: 'Some settling may occur during the first year'.'
'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'
"You get five paid sick days and two disgruntled days."
Tags:employed, employment, employer, employers, sick day, sick days, sick leave, disgruntled, disgruntlement, employment law, worker benefits, workers benefits, worker's benefits, bad employer, bad employers, unfulfilled, unfulfilling, unfulfilling job, unfulfilling jobs, unfulfilling work, ill, illness, unwell, sick, sickness, entitlement, new job, new jobs, contract, contracts, job contract, job contracts, work contract, work contracts, unhappy, unhappiness, job satisfaction
"Sorry, Wendy, but a simple 'yes' is not good enough. I want a mandate."
Tags:mandate, mandates, proposal, proposals, proposition, propositions, guarantee, guarantees, contract, contracts, mandate, mandates, assurance, assurances, skeptic, skeptics, skeptical, skepticism, cynic, cynics, cynical, engaged, engagement, engagements, romance, romantic, marry, marrying, marriage, marriages
'That's a new word legal came up with. They're still working on a definition for it.'
"Would you like to hear about our retirement plan?"
Tags:businessman, businessmen, exec, execs, executive, executives, career, careers, big business, corporate, corporation, corporations, day job, offices, office job, modern life, modern world, working life, working world, desk job, desk jockey, interview, interviews, interview skills, employment, employ, employed, unemployed, salary, pay cut, cut, cuts, budget cut, budget cuts, undervalued, undersold, undersell, financial crash, negotiate, negotiation, negotiating, contract, contract dispute, contracts, benefit, benefits, cryo, cryofreeze, retirement, retirement plan, retirement plans, human resources
"It's for your own protection."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, rabbit, rabbits, bunny, bunnies, fox, foxes, wolf, wolves, predator, predators, prey, protection, protect, bad idea, bad ideas, suspicious, questionable, dangerous, risky, contract, contracts, signing, business, businessman, businessmen, taking advantage, deception, deceptive
"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."
Tags:legal system, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, legal agreement, legal agreements, contract, contracts, pre-nuptial agreement, pre-nuptial agreements, pre-nup, pre-nups, non-compete, non-competes, non-compete clause, non-compete clauses, relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, dating, fiancee, fiancees, fiance, fiances, engaged, engaged to be married, engagement, engagements, wedding planning
"Don't ask, don't tell, don't give a crap - that's my contract with America."
'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'
"When I retire, I promise we'll finally have time to read all the terms and conditions."
"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"
Tags:crocodile, crocodiles, alligator, alligators, croc, crocs, gator, gators, predator, predators, prey, preys, food chain, food-chain, contract, contracts, handshake, handshakes, gentlemen, gentleman, gentleman's agreement, gentleman's agreements, businessmen, businessman, hostile takeover, hostile takeovers, intimidation, business deal, business deals
'Can't you see? This isn't a real offer! They're just tossing us a bone!'
'They presented us with an ironclad contract that we were able to totally reinterpret.'
'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'
"And initial here if you'd like his balls in a sling."
Tags:men, man, husband, husbands, wife, wives, permission, contract, contracts, release form, release forms, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians
"Well, now that you have it, you can stop worrying about getting it."
Tags:doctor, doctors, consolation, unhelpful, medicine, medical, diagnose, diagnosis, worry, worries, patient, patients, worrying, contract, contracted, worried, not helpful, counterproductive, unprofessional, bad, bad medicine, worries, fear, fearful, fears, doctors office, prognosis, treatment, treatments
"I'm as surprised as you are. I had no idea that the sweetheart deal would include an actual sweetheart."
'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'
"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."
Tags:sleeping, sleeping with the fishes, concrete, concrete shoes, shoes, mob, mobs, mafia, mafias, mafioso, hit, hit man, hitman, hit men, hitmen, contract killer, kill, killer, lamp, lamps, lampshade, lamp shade, hired killer, contract, hired, hired gun, decor, decorate, decoration, decorating, interior design, interior decor, assassin, assassins, assassination, assassinations
"We can negotiate any type of contract but we specialize in 'me too' clauses."
Tags:tweedle dee and tweedle dum, twin, twins, contract, contracts, contract negotiation, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, me too clause, #metoo clause, me too clauses, #metoo clauses, me too, me too movement, #metoo, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, specialise, specialize, corporate lawyer, corporate lawyers
"You can always tell which guys aren't trapped in long-term contracts."
Tags:foosball, table football, table soccer, foosball table, sports, sport, bar game, bar games, pub game, pub games, two player game, two player games, sports contracts, sports contract, contract, contracts, professional sports, professional sport, professional soccer, pro soccer, professional athlete, professional athletes, athlete, athletes, football player, football players, professional football, pro football, pro footballer, pro footballers, footballer, footballers, contract dispute, contract disputes, footballer, footballers
"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"