Target Setting Cartoons and Comics

'I can't go cold turkey...just let me interfere a little. A few targets, that's all I need just a few targets.'

'Here we have a timetable for setting a target for when we can confirm a target for getting rid of more targets.'

'We are losing him...I need more meaningless targets NOW!'

"Before you run a marathon maybe you should start with 50 yards?" Set acheivable targets.

"There, that's better" - customer focus.

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

"And I'm sure that as customers you'll be thrilled that as a result of tighter financial management we've measured a 0.3% improvement in12.7% of 12% of 6 of our most significant operational targets."

"What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong,"

Managing Targets: "It mat be simple but it works for me."

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

Target setting.

"The good news is that I've got all the figures...the bad news is that I'm not sure what order I'm meant to put them in!"

Performance management: "Have you seen this?"

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

"We're trying to get staff to be more creative in their report writing." "I call this my dance of the fourth quarters client satisfaction survey."

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

"We considered a number of alternatives but this was the cheapest."

Set achievable training: "Right, so that's agreed we'll scrap plans to develop a faster than light machine and concentrate on getting the buses to run on time."

Things you seldom see: "She's absolutely right, these targets are complete nonsense. "I'll go and get the shredder."

"I say, why don't we tear up all these targets and just let workers get on with their jobs!"

"In principle I agree that staff have far to much pointless paperwork to fill in."

"I'm still not quite happy with it...The aspirations are clear but there still seems to be too much flexibility around the targets."

"I've decided to enter the London marathon next year...it gives me a chance to use my management skills, planning, target setting."

'We need to agree a target date for identifying the targets in our target reduction strategy.'

'It drives me MAD when people complain about our targets...I mean if we didn't set them then how would we know if they'd been met?'