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'I hope these make you feel better, because they're all you're getting.'
''AAAIIIGGGHHH'...So would that be a 'yes' to the question 'I believe my needs are understood'?'
'According to the hospitals new electronic patients records system he's pregnant.'
'You have a lovely bedside manor.'
"I'm just going to hook you up to the machine, so it will look like we're doing something for you."
Tags:nurse, patient, patients, hospital, hospitals, hospital ward, hospital wards, ill, illness, in patient, in patients, modern technology, modern technologies, medical technology, medical technologies, doctor, doctors, md, mds, patient care, care standards, deceive, deceptive, trick, tricks, trickery, placebo, the placebo effect
'If you have ANY concerns about your treatment and want something done about it you need to video the problem on your phone and send it to the BBC's 'Watchdog'.'
'And this is Mr Proctor, he manages the hospitals whistleblowing support team.'
"Really, Mr. Schwatz, I haven't been that unsuccessful with the psychoanalysis."
'Do you remember when all we had to do was look after people?'
'This is nurse Rochester, if there's anything worrying you she's the person to share your concerns with so that they get recorded and filed properly.'
'I'll be back to address your needs as soon as the Government's White paper has identified what they are!'
'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'
"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."
Tags:gp, gps, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, check up, check ups, general practitioner, general practitioners, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, sigh, sighs, sigh of relief, patient, patients, patient care, healthcare, deep breaths, symptom, symptoms, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses
"We even tried a visit from a celebrity."
Focussing on what's REALLY important
"Doctor without borders, meet patient without insurance."
Tags:insurance, medical insurance, health insurance, insurance policy, medical cover, health cover, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, medic, medics, patient, patients, patient care, healthcare, medical treatment, medical treatments, medical bill, healthcare cost, healthcare costs, medical cost, medical costs, charity, charities, philanthropist, philanthropists, philanthropy
Getting 85% on his patient feedback has gone to his head a bit!
"But all joking aside,about two or three months."
Tags:bedside manner, bedside-manner, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, terminal disease, terminal diseases, terminal case, terminal cases, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, patient, patients, patient care, health problem, health problems, diagnosis, bad news, lighthearted, light-hearted, lightheartedness, light-heartedness
'The readings look good, but just in case, when was the last time the system was checked for bugs?'
'I'm upgrading your condition fro stable to malingerer.'
"What'll it be, Mrs. Waltham - stolid workmanship or nervy brilliance?"
'So, if this procedure is 100% safe, why do I need to sign this waiver?!'
'Nurse Ryder when was the last time you actually spoke to Mr. Wilson.'
'I can't give you my cell phone number. If you need assistance, use the nurse's bell.'
"Supersize surgeries will not prohibit an individual service, this for example is individual No 1347/98c."