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'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'
'And now, before we sign the lease on your apartment, repeat after me...I do solemnly swear that during the terms of this lease, I will have no children...'
'I'm serving you with a schedule of dilapidation.'
'Your tenancy deposit will be held and protected securely in accordance with an authorised statutory scheme which is supervised by Big Larry, here ...'
'Wait a second, Dad...did the three little pigs have a home owner's policy to cover huffing and puffing?'
Guide to Conservative Economics: Housing Policy