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"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."
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"Kid, I'm begging you, please stop farting."
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"There is a monster, but it's dead."
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"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."
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"My strengths lie in my ability to ignore the obvious horrors that await me once you turn the lights out."
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"See? No socialists."
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"He's right―there is something under the bed!"
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'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'
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"You're up."
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"I'm worried about a monster under my bed and I'm worried about college."
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'Wow! A govial!'
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"Honey, don't be silly. There's no such thing as Covfefe."
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Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.
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'We decided we're sick of living in hiding.'
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'No monsters down here.'
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'I checked under your bed. Saddam Hussein is not there. Now go to sleep.'
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'This bed comes with a remote monster-under-the-bed option.'
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'OK, Connor. Tell me about this big, scary monster that you feel is under your bed at night.'
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"Did I ever tell you? When Count Dracula was a kid, I was his boogeyman. When I popped up in a castle, he screamed like a little girl!"
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"And keep your toes covered! If you don't el cucuy will eat them! Good night!"
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"Papi, I heard something!"
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'Now do you believe me?'
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'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'
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Horror Stories.
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'The kid was right! There WAS a monster under his bed!'
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