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"It is unwise to have ones assets evenly divided among stocks, bonds and lottery tickets."
"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."
Business Administrations: Join our enrichment program. Learn how to invest in the stock market.
"Remember that comic book you bought back in 1940? I invested the dime wisely."
'How come you always get to be Warren Buffett and I have to be George Soros?'
'Cards for all occasions: takeover, buyouts, mergers, flotation, bankruptcy.'
Your job will be to convince the public that greed is a virtue.
'...then sell it all before the slump...'
Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!