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'Facebook stock dropped on news that a psychologist said facebook friends are not real friends.'
'Good day in the market?'
"There, there it is again - the invisible hand of the marketplace giving us the finger."
"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."
Tags:twitter, stock, stock price, stock prices, dow, dow jones, down jones industrial average, djia, investor, investors, stock, stocks, stockmarket, stockmarkets, scary story, scary stories, campfire, campfires, campfire story, campfire stories, hedge fund, hedge funds, storyteller, storytellers, storytelling, frighten, frightens, frightening, spook, spooks, spooky, spookiness, camp, camps, camping, crash, crashes, crashing, market crash, shortsell, short sell, shorting, short selling, correction, market correction, market corrections
'Oh no! I've had tons wiped off my footprint.'
"Of all the markets, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."
Tags:bear market, bear, bears, grizzly, grizzly bears, bear markets, annoyed, annoy, annoying disappointed, disappoint, unlucky, bad luck, bull market, drop, stock market, stock markets, stocks, share, shares, invest, investing, invests, tumbling, crisis, stockmarket, stock market crash, stockmarket crash, crash, crashes, pun, puns, visual pun
'Good day on the market, huh?'
Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.
'And this is our research department...'
'Could we see some figures on that 'gob'?'
'Look! A buy signal.'
'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'
'My attorney will explain why calling it a 'bear market' makes me a victim of profiling.'
Bull and bear in boxing ring.
'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'
'Here's a rundown of today's stock prices...citizen uprisings...paradigm shifts...'
'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'
Why there are financial planners.
'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'
'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'
'The market is showing jitters today...'
'Stocks remained steady, due to weak production in the rumor mills today...'
'The Dow is going up, the Dow is going down, the Dow is...'
'...it's a spirited, yet lightly delicate little stock that shows signs of aging into exquisite maturity...'
'Don't worry, if your stocks should drop suddenly, we have a standby trauma team.'