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I'm afraid it's time for you to render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's,
"Is this your first audit?"
Accountant speaks with client in ball room and fun with taxes
'Unfortunately 13 pints and a curry to make up for a c***p day at the office isn't tax deductible under current legislation.'
'The IRS called, Lance. Something about an audit, but don't worry I covered for you. I said you couldn't be reached because you were on your yacht.'
Trophies of debt collector's heads.
'Here's your tax bill, Cathy. Will that be check or charge?'
'In the 1997 tax over-haul, Congress promised $95 bullion in tax breaks to 120 million American taxpayers! How much of that is mine?'
"I've been through your tax return and for the minute there's nothing to worry about..."
Having shut early for Christmas, Mr Small decided to get back to work early to check the answering machine.
Tags:hmrc, hm revenue and customs, bookkeeper, bookkeepers, book keeper, book keepers, accountant, accountants, accountancy, tax inspector, tax inspectors, taxation, tax officer, tax officers, book inspection, recorded message, christmas holidays, back to work, after festive break, unwelcome news, unexpected shock, january blues
The buck stops here... grudgingly.
Monster under the bed.
"It's great that you lost weight, but you don't pay less taxes because there's less of you."
Tags:tax, taxes, taxpayer, taxpayers, tax return, tax returns, tax-payer, tax-payers, audit, audits, taxation, tax service, tax services, weight problem, weight problems, weight loss, weight-loss, diet, diets, dieter, dieters, tax payer, tax payers, tax inspector, tax inspectors, tax officer, tax officers
"Care for an after-audit mint?"
American's Funniest Tax Decuctions
"Suppose we say we agree to disagree and let it go at that?"
Tags:tax officer, tax officers, tax inspector, tax inspectors, tax, taxes, irs, inland revenue service, internal revenue service, tax return, tax returns, audit, audits, auditor, auditors, auditing, tax law, tax laws, agree to disagree, disagreement, tax avoider, tax avoiders, tax evasion, tax evader, tax evaders
Tax man has in/out desk boxes labeled, Billing and Hounding.
Tags:revenues, irs, inland revenue, tax collector, tax collection, tax collections, bill, bills, accountant, accounts, desk organizer, desk organizers, desk organiser, desk organisers, tax officer, tax officers, money, taxes, tax collectors, desk boxes, billing, hounding, debt collection, debt collector, debt collectors
'Of course, we could drop the enquiry and agree to henceforth leave each other alone.'
Mr Small had the sinking feeling that his meeting with the tax inspector might not be as smooth as he'd hoped...
"I just got another caller saying his taxes are none of my business."
'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'
"Maybe next year you'll get your return in on time..."
"Any deductions?" "Yes, you're lying."