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'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'
Keep it simple.
The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"
"I'll need all your client files up to date and you'll need to attend the 'managing paperclips safely' training on Thursday."
Tags:management training, management seminar, management seminars, management, managements, manager, managers, training session, training sessions, training seminar, training seminars, workload, workloads, bureaucracy, bureaucracies, paper pusher, paper pushers, paper-pusher, paper-pushers, red tape, red-tape
"...I'll sit here pretending to be interested but I'll actually be writing a shopping list and fantasising about my plumber!"
"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."
Conflict Resolution Training - Cancelled Due To Disagreement Over Venue.
"Frankly I was expecting something a bit more sophisticated..."
"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"
'Well I hope that my talk has been useful in helping you all to understand the work of reception staff.'
Change Management Seminar Changed to 7th Floor
"The Management Training Seminar was inexpensive, but you had to supply your own whip and chair."
'By the way, there's a seminar next weekend on how to slide down the pole.'
'Explain again how you confused a seminar on bank financing with belly dancing?'
We only asked him to switch off his mobile and he seems to have shut down completely,
'OK, is that your last word on this matter, Mr. Briggs?'
"Attending a leadership seminar does not make you the boss of me!"
"Ever since he did training on 'getting touch with his inner child' he's been IMPOSSIBLE to work with."
"Don't worry. I've been on a problem solving course."
"The good news is that the training was very well received. The bad news is that most of the staff have taken their new skills to our competitors."
"We'll start with a little 'trust' exercise. If you could just write down your PIN numbers, sort code and checking account balances."
Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...
"The trainer we booked for our 'effective communications' seminar says that he 'wsn't shure if he could like make it when he said what he would'."
"Lets be honest. How often will this staff training relate to our day to day?"
"Today will be offered you training on how to cope with the redundancy I'm about to tell you about!"