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"I went out on a limb to hire you. Dolan."
Tags:monkey, monkeys, out on a limb, going out on a limb, risk, risks, taking risks, risk taker, risk takers, hiring process, new employee, new employees, mistake, mistakes, bad employee, bad employees, disappointment, disappointments, play on words, let down, let downs, let-down, let-downs, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers
"We can't offer you the satisfaction of a gratifying career, but how does a paid week off and dental sound?"
"Here's how to fit in: overstress, overthink, and wine about everything."
Tags:fit in, fitting in, new employee, new employees, newbie, new job, new jobs, workplace culture, workplace cultures, complain, complaining, complaints, stress, stressful environment, stressful workplace, stressful workplaces, whine, whinge, stoned, stoner, stoners, joint, joints, smoking, smoker, smokers, marajana
'That's Fred, the new hire. He's one of those corporate renaissance types who erases organization-chart boundaries wherever he goes!'
"He's young- I don't like that in a man."
Tags:young person, the youth, threaten, threatened, threatening, hotshot, hotshots, executives, executive, business executives, business executive, business executives, manager, managers, boss, bosses, business manager, business managers, prejudice, prejudiced, millennial, millennials, new blood, new talent, young talent, new employee, new employees
"You'll be a perfect addition to our expendable workforce."
Tags:business, businesses, company, companies, corporate, corporation, corporations, management, manager, managers, executive, executives, hierarchy, employee, employees, worker, workers, expendable, unimportant, replaceable, disposable, not important, lowly, low, low man on the totem pole, office life, office, offices, position, positions, rank, ranks, perfect addition, perfect additions, hiring, hire, hired, new worker, new employee, new workers, new employees, recruit, recruiter, recruiters, recruitment, hr, human resources, h.r.
"This is where they keep the corporate ladder."
Tags:new employee, new employees, new job, new jobs, orientation, tour, tours, shown around, showing around, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, climb the ladder, climbing the ladder, climbing the corporate ladder, climbing the corporate ladders, literal, literalness, idiom, idioms, saying, sayings
"He was a private man."
The Envelope-America Corporation New Employees' Seminar #1
"I have to go through a six month probationary period before getting full cubicle privileges."
'Poor work habits can be contagious, so we usually quarantine our new employees for a period of observation.'
"You'll bite the bullet, get kicked in the teeth, and be asked to grin and bear it... but dental is included."
Tags:job offer, job offers, comp and bens, benefits, workplace benefits, dental, dental plan, dentist, dentists, metaphor, metaphors, teeth, tooth, bite the bullet, kicked in the teeth, grin and bear it, perks, perks of the job, difficult job, difficult jobs, thankless task, thankless tasks, new employee, new employees
'You'll like it here, Clayton. In fact it's one of our rules.'
"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"
Tags:business meeting, business meetings, meeting, meetings, client, clients, new client, new clients, new hire, new hires, new employee, new employees, employer, employers, employees, hiring, hiring process, hire, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interviewer, interviewers, interviewee, interviewees, human resources, hr, h.r., recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, surprise, surprises, unexpected, walrus, walruses, surprise, surprised, businessmen, businessman, salesman, salesmen, sales call, sales calls, business deal, business deals, sexist, women in business, women, women in power
'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'
'Welcome aboard, Paltrow. Where do you see yourself in the scheme of things?'
"Everyone- meet Frederick."
Tags:elephant, elephants, board meeting, board meetings, business meeting, business meetings, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, new job, new jobs, new employee, new employees, introduction, introductions, welcome, welcomes, elephant in the room, the elephant in the room
"We don't think you're going to be a good fit..."
Tags:colleague, colleagues, coworker, coworkers, workplace bullying, bad fit, bad cultural fit, fit in, dont fit in, wont fit in, difference, different, tie, ties, unwritten rules, workplace, workplaces, hostile workplace, hostile workplaces, hostile, hostility, new job, new jobs, new employee, new employees
"And Thursday is karaoke night."
Tags:office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, hiring, hired, hiring manager, manager, managers, employment, employee, employees, get together, gathering, karaoke, sing along, trend, trends, perk, work perks, benefit, benefits, modern life, new hire, new employee, new hires, new employees, new staff
"I'm sorry, Detrick, It's company policy - 'Last hired, First shot'."
Tags:fired, firing, new employee, new employees, getting fired, canned, can, canning, new job, new jobs, getting canned, getting the sack, sacking, sacked, shot, last hired first fired, shooting, gun, guns, laid off, laid-off, lay off, lay-off, lay offs, lay-offs, redundancy, made redundant, redundancies, downsizing, unemployed, unemployment, last hired
'I'm just curious as to why you've only worked here a total of 15 minutes, and you've already put in for a 5-week vacation.'
'...and Fred here will be your overseer.'
'You said you wanted to start off at the top, well, I agree. I'm having your desk moved up here as we speak.'