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"And this one is for not throwing the other ones away."
"That one is for learning the lesson of Afghanistan."
"We're slipping you this decoration, K-43, in recognition of your distinguished service in military intelligence."
"Our nation hasn't been to war in a hundred years. Where the hell did we get all these medals?"
"I can't really talk about it. They're all for secret sexual stuff."
This is to certify that the president of the United States of America has awarded HIMSELF the MEDAL OF HONOR
"And this is my pocket."
'That one is for keeping warm in the Cold War.'
'And this one I got for properly polishing my medals' (decorated general)