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'Now that you're 10, we can tell you the truth: beauty isn't actually in the eye of the beholder, there are international standards... and you haven't met them.'
"It's a balloon reminder that all joy is fleeting."
Tags:street art, street artists, clown, clowns, circus clown, circus clowns, sad clown, sad clowns, balloon, balloons, party balloon, party balloons, ruined childhood, let down, let-down, child, kid, kids, childhood, childrens entertainers, children's entertainers, childrens entertainer, children's entertainer, part clown, part clowns, depression, depressed, misery, miserable, existential, existential crisis, birthday, birthdays, birthday party, birthday parties, joy is fleeting
"It's my birthday and only goof things are allowed to happen."
Tags:executive, executives, business executive, business executives, unreliable, unreliability, manager, managers, business manager, birthday, birthdays, cancelled appointment, cacnelled appointments, canceled appointment, canceled appointments, business managers, boss, bosses, priorities, bad priorities, wrong priorities, rich person, rich people, the one percent, the 1 percent, wealth divide, wealth gap, good things, incompetent, incompetence
"I'm trying to figure out the right headache-inducing place for my birthday."
"I'll give you a hint - it's sold only on TV."
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, birthday, birthdays, happy birthday, gift, gifts, present, presents, wrapped, surprise, surprises, hint, hints, gift box, gift boxes, shopping, sold, television, televisions, tv, tvs, t.v., t.v.s, questionable, suspicious, infomercial, infomercials, commercial, commercials, product, products, as seen on tv, celebration, celebrations
"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."
Tags:relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, birthday, birthdays, celebration, celebrations, party, parties, pinata, pinatas, childish, immature, middle age, middle-age, middle aged, middle-aged, getting older, growing older, getting old, growing old, old age
On your 80th birthday.
Tags:trousers, trouser, pant, pants, birthday, birthdays, happy birthday, belt line, belt, belts, height, growing up, grows up, grew up, grow, growing, grows, grew, keeping track, keeps track, pull your trousers up, pull your pants up, high trousers, high pants, old man, old men, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'That's a nice gift, Bobby, but I asked for SHIP in a bottle.'
"We could always regift it."
'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'
'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'
Kevin's Eleven-Thousandth Day of Being Kevin
Tags:kevin, count, counts, counting, tic, tics, tic mark, tic marks, mark time, marks time, marking time, identity, identities, name, names, tick mark, tick marks, tick, ticks, anniversary, anniversaries, passage of time, passages of time, thirty, thirties, thirtieth birthday, 30th birthday, 30, birthday, birthdays
Early birthday parties.
"Tell your grandfather how much you like his present and ask him if he still has the receipt."
Tags:return, returns, gift, gifts, present, presents, christmas, x-mas, xmas, unwanted, unwanted gift, unwanted gifts, receipt, receipts, returns department, returns departments, self-interest, self-interested, phone, phones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, mobile, mobiles, smartphone, smartphones, smart phone, smart phones, exchange, exchanges, exchanging, birthday, birthdays, thankful, grateful, inappropriate, ask permission, asking permission, limited screen time, limiting screen time
'The bad news is, we only had enough money for one birthday present. . . the good news is that your mom has come up with a really fun way to see who gets it.'
'That does it! I've had it with that nincompoop! Every time there's a birthday, he's the first to sign the card and he never leaves room for anyone else!'
"It's his birthday."
It was an amazing gesture...almost.
One man's trash is another's treasure
George Washington's Birthday
Tags:george, washington, abraham, lincoln, politics, politician, politicians, political, political leader, political leaders, government, governments, president, presidents, doctor, doctors, eye doctor, eye doctors, optician, opticians, optometrists, optometrist, ophthalmologist, ophthalmologists, vision, eye sight, eye exam, eye examination, eye chart, eye charts, birthday, birthdays, founding father, honest abe, 16th president, 1st president
"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."
Tags:doctor, age, middle age, mid-life crisis, midlife crisis, midlife crises, grow old, grows old, growing old, 60th, 60th birthday, birthday, birthdays, pushing 60, 59th birthday, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, declining health, health decline, health declines, gain weight, gains weight, gaining weight, mankoff
"Food as metaphor for love? Again?"
Tags:relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, spouse, spouses, family, families, birthday, birthdays, celebration, celebrations, celebrating, food, cake, cakes, birthday cake, birthday cakes, metaphor, metaphors, again, rude, impolite, bad manners, insulting, ungrateful
'Dad, I can't find any matches to light the cake.'
"Why, thank you dear – I suppose five gallons of gas is a thoughtful birthday gift."
Tags:birthday, birthdays, birthday gift, birthday gifts, birthday present, birthday presents, gift, gifts, present, presents, last-minute, last minute, last-minute gift, thoughtless, thoughtless gift, thoughtless gifts, thoughtless present, thoughtless presents, thoughtful gift, thoughtful gifts, thoughtful present, thoughtfull presents, husband, husbands, stereotype, steretypes, gender stereotypes
"When you say you're close to your parents, do you mean birthday-and-holidays close, or share-a-bathroom close?"
Tags:couple, couples, date, dates, dating, first date, boyfriend, boyfriends, girlfriend, girlfriends, parents, parent, mama's boy, mommy's boy, mummy's boy, relationship, relationships, questions, living with parents, livings in parents basement, cut the cord, holidays, birthdays, family event, family events, family, families