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'I've had to book my appointment two weeks in advance, so we'll both sit here until I feel unwell.'
'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'
"You get five paid sick days and two disgruntled days."
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"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."
"Not even I have been that sick."
'Dave? This diploma is from Uncle Willie's 21 day College of Neurology, this is an award for second prize in a bowling tournament, and this is for third prize in a pig-calling contest.'
She's just discovered her IBS isn't caused by chocolate!
"Milt, I'm beginning to think that you illness is a disharmony of life energy."
"Have you tried lying around watching crappy TV?"
"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."
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'Yes, this is a bad time. I'm operating on a patient 4,500 miles away.'
Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.
"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"
"Here's a Get Well-or-Else card from the insurance company."
'The pandemic is here!!!'
'See? You missed one. When you pull the plug, be sure to pull them all.'
"Are you feeling O.K.? You haven't touched your phone."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, family, families, teen, teens, teenager, adolescent, adolescence, raising teens, technology, phone, phones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, cellular phone, cellular phones, mobile phone, mobile phones, smart phone, smart phones, smartphone, smartphones, electronic device, electronic devices, addict, addicts, addiction, food, meal, meals, mealtime, mealtimes, dinner table, dinner tables, family meal, family meals, family time, eating together, sick, ill, unwell, unusual, strange, behavior, behaviour, concerned, worried, modern life
'Anything else besides shortness of breath?'
'It's bad news I'm afraid. Your illness isn't on our performance targets.'
"When did you start thinking there might be something wrong with you?" "When you told me!"
Flu pandemic precautions
If the drugs do cause a problem then we've got some pills that might help.
'Thanks for not letting cancer define who you are.'