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'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'
Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.
"No, I'm not backing up our files–I'm just assuming that the F.B.I. is making copies."
Tags:computer, computers, file, files, computer file, computer files, save, back-up, back-ups, back up, back ups, backup, backups, backing up, document, documents, copy, copies, business, businessman, businessmen, corporate, executive, executives, criminal, criminals, corporation, corporations, company, companies, database, databases, data, fbi, federal bureau of investigations, f.b.i., feds, federal government, nsa, national security agency, n.s.a., security, privacy, intelligence agency, intelligence agencies, spy, spying, spies, invasion of privacy, internet privacy, computer privacy, internet security, technology, surveillance, under surveillance, shady, suspect, suspicious
'...the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'
"You can't keep running in here demanding date every five years!"
'Well, this certainly explains much of the company's missing data. Who else thought the 'DEL' key on their computer was for delegating work?'
"I've stopped looking for work, which, I believe, helps the economic numbers."
Tags:unemployed, unemployment, unemployment figures, looking for work, job hunting, job hunt, job hunts, looking for jobs, job search, job searching, job seeker, job seekers, job seeking, massaging the figures, out of employment figures, data, data manipulation, economic figures, economic numbers, unemplyment numbers, given up, give up
Man is dumber because of his smartwatch.
'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'
"Sorry, bub. You're not database."
Tags:religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, entering heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, technology, computer, computers, database, databases, data, bureaucracy, bureaucrat, bureaucrats
"It was much nicer before people started storing all their personal information in the cloud."
Tags:religion, religious, death, after death, life after death, heaven, angel, angels, cloud, clouds, cloud storage, storage, technology, computer, computers, data, information, personal information, storing, file, files, filing cabinet, filing cabinets, filing, system, systems, computing, nicer, better, server, servers, data storage, digital data, hosting, cloud computing, virtual infrastructure, modern life
"The new guy says he's a data wrangler."
'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'
The birth of the data mining industry (circa 1880): 'I ain't sure what it is, Clyde, but there's a vein of it as wide as yer Aunt Tillie!'
"It's free, but they sell your information."
"What does God do with all that prayer data?"
'I'd prefer it if they stored their stuff someplace else!'
"If your looking for something with a lot of memory, this baby right here will definitely fill the bill."
"I guess I forgot to disable cookies before we started hiking."
'How are those revised projections coming along?'
"Let's not politicize how screwed we are."
Tags:scientist, scientists, scientific, discovery, discoveries, climate change, global warming, climate scientist, climate scientists, data, report, reports, bias, biases, biased, climate denier, climate deniers, climate denialism, equation, equations, mathematical equation, accusation, accusations, political stance, political stances, neutral, neutrality, honest, honesty, offend, offends, offending, offensive, too much coffee man
Information vs. confusion
"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."
Tags:business, businesses, corporation, corporations, corporate, company, companies, executive, executives, accounting, management, manager, managers, chief, chiefs, boss, bosses, good news, computer, computers, computer virus, computer viruses, technology, destroy, destroyed, file, files, document, documents, data, wiped, deleted, disappeared, suspicious, ethics, unethical, suspect, secret, secrets, hiding, scandal, scandals, mismanagement, fraud, corrupt, corruption, creative accounting, sketchy, dodgy, incompetence, incompetent, incompetents, office life