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'It's all Dewey's fault, coach. Rick was showing me how he can fit an entire basketball in his mouth when Dewey walked up and slapped him on the back.'
Bears going water skiing.
"Nope, I'm squeezing as hard as I can, that is one stuck pig."
'Are you choking or are you serious?'
Prof. H. Heimlich - 'Sorry, the professor is out doing Heimlich maneuvers.'