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"The market hit new highs today, while the contrition index remained at zero."
'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'
"That's all very nice, Jefferson, but do you have any other new business?"
"Markets reacted to the news by edging aside kind of awkwardly and then pretending to take a phone call."
"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark
'Today the dollar fell against all currencies with strange sounding names.'
"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."
Tags:parenting, modern life, children, father, fathers, dad, dads, parent, parents, parenting, formal, formal record, fromal records, update, updates, businessman, businessmen, son, sons, status update, status updates, updating, childhood, child, kid, kids, business report, business reports, mankoff
'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'
'In the future, Clayton, always make sure you have your decimal points correctly placed.'
'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'
'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'
Today stocks fell on news that no one really has a clue why stocks rise and fall.
'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'
'As you can see here our downward trend exceeded even the expectations of the people who make our graphs.'
'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'
"Gold prices fell. I guess we're not worth that much today."
'Stocks rebounded from the downturn on news that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'
"As you can see here, there were a few downticks, followed by a few upticks, finishing off with some antics."
Tags:business meetings, chart, graph, sales report, sales reports, charts, graphs, sales, sales presentations, sales data, sales numbers, sales figures, quarterly earnings, earnings reports, business reports, downturns, upturns, business cycles, business data, business intelligence, line graphs, meetings room, war room, corporate earnings, corporations, analytics, big data, big-data, surprises, anomaly, anomalies
'It says here that machine learning finds fake news with 88% accuracy. I think from now on I really need to edit my reports before I turn them in.'
Day of the Living Quarterly Report Accountants.
'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'
"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."
Tags:business report, business reports, presentation, presentations, presentation skill, presentation skills, graph, graphs, chart, charts, confusion, confusing, merger, mergers, business merger, business mergers, boardroom, boardrooms, corporate structure, office structure, corporate politics, office politics
"Today stock index funds gained, on news that managed funds dropped."
'Then...we went back and identified moments that cried out for a song.'
'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'