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'We've had our new simplified gas bill!'
'Basically it's a pushable boulder. Comes in 3 sizes - guaranteed to cut down your heat loss.'
"No, I paid the electric bill."
'Due to heating costs this year, the GOOD boys and girls will get coal in their stockings.'
'The gas bill is a lot bigger than usual.'
"To cut own on heating costs, we should consider house pooling."
Tags:spend, spends, spending, spending money, budget, budgets, car pool, car pools, heating, heating costs, winter, wintertime, winter time, neighbour, neighbours, neighbor, neighbors, car-pool, car-pools, car-pooling, car pooling, cold weather, oil, oil price, oil prices, fuel bill, fuel bills, gas bill, gas bills, electricity bill, electricity bills
'With our new simplified energy charges would you like to go with the 'Guaranteed Destitution' plan or the 'Selling your organs for Heating' option?'
'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'
'If only we could heat the house with his hot air.'
'Luckily, my husband gets so hot we can turn the heating off.'
'OK, it's your turn to stand by the pilot light.'
"Another jumper dear?"
'Uh yeah, it's supposed to be like that... it's a... it's a new invention.'
Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde gets his gas bill.
'According to my calculations we need to sell the house to pay the heating bills.'
"If the speed of light is increasing, then the electric company will probably raise its rates."
Tags:electricity company, electricity companies, energy company, energy companies, rate, rates, electricity bill, electricity bills, gas bill, gas bills, electric bill, electric bills, astronomer, astronomers, astronomy, telescope, telescopes, observatory, observatories, speed of light, price hike, price hikes, rising prices
'I tell people I'm in banking.'
Energy companies come up with a package to help the old this winter.
"Back so soon?"
'You don't know your born son, in my day we had outside toilets, no running water, low income tax, no vat, all our food was organic, there was no cars, no gas bills, no electricity bills...'
'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'
'I was going to make a pledge, not to turn on my Furnace before November first...But then I got cold feet.'
Tags:gas bill, gas bills, gas price, gas prices, fuel cost, fuel costs, fuel price, fuel prices, energy bill, energy bills, fuel bill, fuel bills, utility bill, utility bills, energy cost, cost of living, living cost, living costs, heating bill, heating bills, cold feed, winter, fuel poverty, winters
Smart Arse Meter
Tags:meter reading, meter readings, smart meter, smart meters, electricity meter, electricity meters, gas meter, gas meters, gas bill, gas bills, electricity bill, electricity bills, utility bill, utility bills, smart technology, gadget, gadgets, gadgetry, wasting energy, energy meter, energy meters, energy price, energy prices, smart house, internet of things
'Remember when it was all Mills and Boon and not Bills and Moon!'