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"Hello there. I'm the bluebird of Orthodox Judaism. What do you say you get up, you put on t'fillin and you daven this morning?"
"What do we do with all the guys who ate meat on Friday?"
Tags:lent, catholic, catholics, catholicism, fast, fasts, fasting, abstain, abstains, abstaining, friday, fridays, eating meat on friday, hell, devil, lucifer, hades, arbitrary, rule, rules, organized religion, organised religion, afterlife, afterlives, fish, fish on friday, religious laws, religious law, orthodox, rule breakers, rule breaker
"Open the pod bay doors, HAL - we can't wait for the shabbos goy"
"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."
Reform, Conservative and Orthodox gasoline.
Tags:hasid, hasidism, hasidic judaism, hasidic, conservative, conservatives, orthodox, orthodox jew, choice, choices, option, options, sect, sects, religious sect, religious sects, jewish, judaism, gas, gasoline, petrol, fuel, fuels, gas station, gas stations, octane, octanes, dilemma, dilemmas, group identification
"First of all, this conversation never happened."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, orthodox, yarmulke, yarmulkes, christmas, holiday, holidays, holiday season, deniability, plausible deniability, vow of silence, santa, santa claus, father christmas, hanukkah, chanukah, christian, christians, goyim, goy, gentile, gentiles, swearing to silence, jealous, envy, envious, shpasik, jtoons
"I forgot my wig."
'Do you realize that the only change we have had in this school in the last decade is a change in our phone number?'
"Which section do you wish to sit in—Davening or Non-Davening?"
Tags:religion, religions, orthodox judaism, judaism, jewish, orthodox, jew, jews, orthodox jew, daven, davening, yiddish, pray, prayer, prayers, praying, airline, airlines, flying, air travel, flying, section, sections, seat, seats, airplane, airplanes, aeroplane, aeroplanes, airport, airports, customer service, service, travel, travelling, traveling
"This will nver work, David. Your family is significantly less non-obvervant than mine."
"And here's a list of food you can't eat."
Boat Christening vs. Boat Bris
Tags:christen, christens, christening, bris, circumcise, circumcises, circumcising, circumcision, circumcisions, jewish, ship, ships, boat, boats, mohel, mohels, orthodox, jewish, judaism, rite, rites, rite of passage, rites of passage, sailor, sailors, ceremony, ceremonies, bow, bows, champagne bottle, champagne bottles, jibboom, jibbooms, shpasik, jtoons
"Hava Nagila" go-round.
"Does dad know you're dating the guy from the Seder plate?"
Tags:shpasik, jtoons, passover, pesach, easter, easter eggs, easter egg, seder plate, eggs, egg, dating, dates, date, marry out, marrying out, mixed marriages, mixed marriage, religion, religions, jewish, jew, jews, goyim, goy, goys, gentile, gentiles, father, fathers, disapprove, disapproves, disapproving, disapproval, traditional, traditional parents, orthodox, conservative, boyfriend, boyfriends, girlfriends, christian, christians
Tags:religion, religious, priest, priests, orthodox, christian, christianity, eastern orthodox, crucifix, crucifixes, cross, crosses, fashion, fad, fads, trend, trends, trendy, style, in-fashion, in-style, on-trend, jewellery, jewelry, jewels, jewel, accessory, accessories, woman, women, women's fashion
All Visitors Must Be Orthodox
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, orthodox, orthodox jew, visitor, visitors, visiting, visit, hotel, hotels, guesthouse, guesthouses, apartment, apartments, flat, flats, penthouses, rich, rich people, wealth, wealthy people, money, doorman, doormen, traditional, conservative
"I'm sorry, sir, but you needed to order the kosher meal when you were abducted."
Tags:kosher, keep kosher, keeping kosher, abduction, abductions, alien abduction, alien abductions, alien, aliens, air travel, diet, diets, dietary preference, dietary preferences, jewish, judaism, dietary restrictions, frequent flyer, frequent flyers, in-flight meal, in-flight meals, airline food, restriction, restrictions, religious, orthodox, shpasik, jtoons
Suggestion and 'outside-the-box' suggestions.
"I love your early work."
Tags:god, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, compliment, compliments, early adopter, early adopters, original, originals, abraham, abrahamic religion, abrahamic religions, fan, fans, fanatic, fanatics, religion, religions, religious, observe, observes, observant, orthodox, early work, purist, purists, shpasik, jtoons
Bornstein's - Fine Fashions for Jewish Men
Choices, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox
"Pishers and kvetchers reporting for duty."
"I'm not beached. I just don't swim on Saturdays."
Tags:sabbath, the sabbath, shabbat, rest, rests, resting, orthodox, tradition, traditional, orthodox jew, whale, whales, beach, beached, beaches, beached whale, hasidic, hasidic jew, jewish, hasidic jews, custom, customs, religion, religions, religious, judaism, saturday, fish, fishes, ocean, oceans, sea, seas, play on words, word play, shpasik, jtoons