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The Post-Menopause early warning system.
"The only thing that still works well for me is hysteria."
"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"
"I had this horrible nightmare that I went to bed in my toupee and spent the entire night looking like an idiot."
Tags:toupee, toupees, hair, hair loss, bald, balding, hair thinning, thin hair, receding hairline, going bald, gone bald, bald-headed, fake hair, wig, wigs, men, middle aged, husband, wife, husbands, wives, couple, couples, marriage, married, marry, relationship, relationships, spouse, spouses, not a dream, reality, real life, dream, dreams, dreaming, nightmare, nightmares, night terror, night terrors
"Oh, Marty! Our first gray hair!"
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, spouse, spouses, old, aging, ageing, growing old, growing older, getting older, getting old, growing old, old age, gray hair, gray hair, going gray, going grey, hair, middle age, middle aged, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis
"Ah, the ecstasy of moving all the right muscle groups."
"Harold and I were staying home long before it was fashionable."
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, long term relationship, long term relationship, long-term relationships, before it was cool, unsocial, antisocial, anti social, anti-social, introvert, introverts, introversion, lazy, laziness, middle age, middle aged, middle-age, middle-aged, getting old, getting older, behind the times, aging
"I never think of you, as, like, old, Jack. I think of you as, like, retro."
Tags:modern, modernity, modernize, modern world, modern life, middle age, middle-age, middle aged, middle-aged, mid life, midlife, mid-life, mid life crisis, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, retro, out of fashion, old, older, age, ageing, aged, growing old, getting old, mutton dressed as lamb, euphemisms, implied, implication, flatter, flattery, golddigger, gold-digger, taking advantage, club, clubs, clubbing, date, dates, dated, word play, play on words, word-play
'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'
"Yeah, but for a fat guy who doesn't exercise I'm in pretty good shape."
Tags:eat, eating, diet, diets, fitness, fit, fitter, exercise, exercising, exercises, exercised, physical fitness, physically fit, middle-age, middle age, middle aged, obese, obesity, morbidly obese, morbid obesity, xxl, food, foodie, obesity epidemic, fat, overweight, weight, weightloss, weight loss, weight-loss, good shape, in shape, irony, ironic, dramatic irony, bad shape, out of shape, healthy, health and wellbeing
Tags:mint, mints, sweets, candy, chocolate, melting chocolate, senior, seniors, ageing, getting old, getting older, pensioner, pensioners, deterioration, deteriorating, out of date, best before, date, use by date, old people, old person, elderly people, elderly person, middle age, middle aged, middle-age, middle-aged
"In the last few months, Matthew has gone on twenty-four-hour alert for signs of aging."
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, beauty, attractiveness, youth, ging, ageing, growing old, growing older, getting older, getting old, growing old, old age, old, middle age, middle-age, middle aged, middle-aged, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, signs of aging, signs of ageing, 24 hour, twenty-four hour, alert, alerts, emergency, emergencies, vanity, vain, ego, egotistical, egotistic, wrinkle, wrinkles
A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.
Tags:sport, sports, baseball, playing baseball, baseball player, baseball players, baseball diamond, baseball diamonds, athlete, athletes, couch potato, couch potatoes, lazy, middle age, middle aged, middle-age, middle-aged, television, televisions, watching television, tv, tvs, watching tv, t.v., t.v.s, watching t.v., recreation league, recreation leagues, sports team, sports teams, baseball team, baseball teams, playing sports, watching sports, man, men, getting old, getting older, growing old, growing older, old age
"Miss Gaines, send in someone who reminds me of myself as a lad."
Gals! Are you entering you 'goddess' years?
"...And it was, like, so bae I literally died."
Still fits like a glove after all these years!
"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."
Tags:relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, birthday, birthdays, celebration, celebrations, party, parties, pinata, pinatas, childish, immature, middle age, middle-age, middle aged, middle-aged, getting older, growing older, getting old, growing old, old age
"No, we're not getting any younger, but why, pray tell, is that such a revelation to us?"
"I think his Olympic dreams have died."
"He's running late this morning. He unexpectedly snapped out of denial."
Tags:denial, in denial, late for work, morning, mornings, monday, mondays, monday morning, monday mornings, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, middle age, middle aged, getting old, getting older, ageing, crisis, existential crisis, running late, excuse, excuses, bad excuse, bad excuses, sick day, sick days, sick leave, sickie, sickies, the inevitability of death
"Shaving your head takes the guesswork out of going bald."
Tags:bald, balding, alopecia, losing hair, losing your hair, going bald, ageing, getting old, getting older, middle age, middle aged, bald patch, bald patches, receding hairline, receding hairlines, shaving your head, vain, vanity, hairloss, hair loss, advice, good advice, giving advice, beauty tip, beauty tips, insecure, insecurities, guesswork
"Dad, when did you realize you weren't, you know, exactly studly anymore?"
Tags:parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, kid, kids, child, childhood, growing up, child rearing, ageing, getting old, getting on, getting older, middle age, middle aged, mid life crisis, mid life crises, mid-life crisis, mid-life crises, insult, insults, insulted, insulting, stud, studs, studly, attractive, attractiveness, handsome, handsomeness, losing your looks
"If you no longer wish to receive calls about special offers, press any key. But not the same one you pressed last time because that obviously didn't work."
Tags:call, calls, phone call, phone calls, technology, tech, smart phone, smart phones, automated message, computer, computers, customer service, frustrating, frustrated, infuriating, infuriated, automated messaging, modern life, middle age, middle aged, unsubscribe, unsubscribing, subscribe, subscription, subscriptions, notification, notifications
"I'll have a nice day when I get damn good and ready."