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'So, yeah! Take it home, look it over, and if anybody has any feedback my door is always open.'
"Just for the record, I knew you were naked before I ate the apple."
Moses and the Screenwriter: 'Accurate-Shmaccurate...if you want this story to sell, it needs some punching up.'
Tags:screenwriter, screenwriters, clerk, clerks, accuracy, accurate, accurateness, historian, historians, honest, honesty, entertainment, bible, bibles, torah, torahs, story, stories, old testament, entertainer, entertainers, exodus, red sea, miracle, miracles, teller, tellers, telling, non sequitur
" 'Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin'? What kind of cookie is this?"
Tags:fortune cookie, fortune cookies, babylon, babylonian, king, kings, mene mene tekel upharsin, prophecy, prophecies, omen, omens, warning, warnings, warning from god, warnings from god, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurant, rich, riches, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemous, fortune, fortunes, prediction, predictions, curse, curses, old testament, torah, belshazzar's feast, writing on the wall, daniel, arrogant, arrogance, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, cookie, cookies, dessert, desserts, humility, humble, humbles, god, jehovah
Tags:guilt, guilts, guilting, mom, moms, mother, mothers, mum, mums, nag, nags, nagging, passive aggressive, passive aggression, passive aggressiveness, parent, parents, parenting, frustration, frustrations, frustrating, put on a sweater, nice young man, approval, approve, approves, approving, torah, genesis, bible, bible story, bible stories, shpasik, jtoons
'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'
Jewish Deep Thinker
"It's the mark of Cain, but it's benign."
Tags:cain, mark of cain, curse, cursed, god, jehovah, genesis, book of genesis, bible story, bible stories, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, benign, malignant, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, oncology, oncologist, oncologists, prognosis, prognoses, old testament, torah, garden of eden
'That's probably not a good sign.'
'Well, the weather was terrible, but the buffet was AMAZING!! They had EVERYTHING!!'
"Well, now the flood warning's been downgraded to just a light mid-afternoon sprinkle."
Tags:weather warning, weather warnings, weather forecast, weather forecasts, flood warning, flood warnings, meteorologist, meteorologists, weather app, weather apps, noah, bible, bible story, bible stories, great flood, noah's ark, noah's arc, noahs ark, noahs arc, rainshower, rainshowers, rain shower, rain showers, forecast, forecasts, torah, torah story, torah stories, genesis, book of genesis
'Maybe I shouldn't have brought the termites,'
"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"
Tags:mezuzah, mezuzahs, religion, religious, judaism, jewish, jew, jews, torah, history, historical, ancient, pre-history, pre-historical, prehistory, prehistorical, stone age, bc, b.c., before christ, paleolithic, palaeolithic, cave-dweller, cave dwellers, cavemen, caveman, neanderthal, neanderthals, early humans, archaeology, archaeologist, archaeologists, archeology, archeologist, archeologists, artifact, artifacts, artefact, artefacts, shpasik, jtoons
'At this time, I'd like to point out some of the safety features and emergency exits that our craft is equipped with...'
"Wait, I want to post a picture of our lunch."
Tags:lunch, lunches, apple, apples, tree of knowledge, foodie, foodies, food fad, food fads, cell, cells, cellphone, cellphones, mobile, mobiles, smartphone, smartphones, creation myth, creation myths, creation story, creation stories, adam, eve, bible story, bible stories, old testament, torah, torahs, torah story, torah stories
Tags:seder, seders, passover, passovers, passover seder, judaism, jewish, jews, jew, torah, torahs, candy, candies, chocolate, chocolates, parody, parodying, alternative, holiday, holidays, celebration, celebrates, celebrate, hebrew, feast, feasts, represent, represents, representing, symbol, symbols, symbolism, food, foods, religion, religions, home, family, families, shpasik, jtoons
Expulsion with Goody Bags
Tags:adam, eve, goody bags, party bag, party bags, goody bag, eden, garden of eden, genesis, expulsion, expelled, religion, religions, christian, christians, old testament, bible, bibles, torah, torahs, religious, party, parties, convention, conventions, promotion, promotional, promotions, promoting, promotes, advert, advertising, adverts, ad, ads, advertisement, advertisements
The Eleventh and Least Effective Biblical Plague...
Crime Scene in the Garden of Eden
Tags:garden of eden, crime scene, crime scenes, paradise, crime-scene, crime-scenes, genesis, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, torah, torahs, old testament, bible, bibles, tree of knowledge, apple, the fall, adam, eve, book of genesis, serpent, serpents, creation myth, creation myths, creation story, creation stories, eden
'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'
"And God called the light day."
Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank
"Frankly, I think we'll regret introducing these organisms into the environment."
Tags:organism, organisms, environment, environmental impact, environmentalist, environmentalists, angel, angels, adam, eve, bible, bibles, torah, torah story, bible story, bible stories, torah stories, creation myth, creation myths, creation story, creation stories, the fall, mankind, humankind, genesis, mistake, mistakes, mankind, error, errors
'Whoa! - Adam and Eve are WAY out of compliance!'
Moses' Reading Glasses