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"Is there a good sex scandal on?"
'Right...so that's pages 1-6 on 'Teenage Thugs run Rampage', 7-9 on 'man sued £25,000 for cleaning neighbours path', the middle spread on 'Neighbours from Hell'...and the editorial on 'promoting the Big Society'.'
'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'
'We'll be maintaining our News coverage...but the news will mainly be about tits.'
'Straight from the horse's mouth? I don't think so: This article has been heavily edited...'
'It's a red top - bound to be sensational news.'
"Oh, none for me, thanks...I'm not that kind of vampire. I only feed on daily newspapers."
"Stop reading this stupid paper."