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"And this brings to a conclusion, thank goodness, our broadcast day."
"Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street. But today, expect occasional sprinkles."
"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."
"You will die. Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Details tonight...on Eyewitness News!"
"I don't like the news. It's like they know what scares me."
"Your life is always in danger! You...me...everybody is doomed! Stay tuned for details."
"There are no reports of violence, fear, hatred, disaster, or out-of-control hysteria. As a result, all news programs today have been canceled."
"Que menso! The TV says this burglar got stuck in a chimney! I hope he's not Latino!"
'What's the old saying...'